POP CULTURE PUNDIT - The Latest Gossip and News About Your Favorite Celebs

Lindsay Lohan is in AA

Once again I'm not shocked: Page Six reports that Lindsay Lohan might be looking to sober up a tad. Lindsay was reportedly seen yesterday at a 7:30 am AA meeting near her home in LA. The Post quoted the following:

A friend of Lohan confirmed, 'She has attended several meetings and has hopefully decided to turn her life around - this time for good. She is out of control.' Lohan skipped Thanksgiving with her mom, Dina, and her family because she knew 'someone would force an intervention on her."

Thanksgiving interventions? That's just not right, I tend to set those special occasions aside for (a) coming out of the closet and (b) faking my own death for attention, because there is nothing worse then a turkey or baby Jesus getting all the glory...now where are my pills?

Want to buy a piece of Jessica Simpson?

Another sign of the approaching apocalypse: a piece of gum chewed by Jessica Simpson is being auctioned off on eBay.

While filming the movie 'Employee of the Month' Jessica gave the gum to an extra on set prior to a kissing scene who rather than throw it away has decided to make a quick buck.

I see nothing wrong with this auction, nor do I see anything wrong with me being the high bidder on this gum for no other reason then to isolate her DNA and clone 1,000 Jessicas. However, I do feel a bit of guilt for when I beat up that homeless man this morning and stole his coat.

If you'd like to bid on the gum click here.

Britney's new look

This picture makes up for all the beaver shots we were tortured with all week (I feel like I've practically watched both of her child birth videos).

My only question is, what is up with her boobs? One seems to be imploding while the other is attempting to escape. That aside, you have to admit that her boobs still look kinda sexy - that is, if you find wheelchairs and guys swiming with their tshirts on sexy.

The Britney Vagina Code is broken!!

Unless you've been living under a rock over the past few days Britney Spears has been giving us all a peak at her bad-touch area over and over again. If you've been thinking it couldn't happen again, well welcome to the completion of the poon-trilogy. For the third time THIS WEEK Britney Spears has gotten out of a car with a super short dress and no panties to show us all her snorcher. However, this time she thought she'd class it up a notch and do so at a gas station.

But let's stop and think about this for a bit. This is too much of a coincidence, perhaps it's us that don't understand, maybe she's trying to tell us something.....hmmm....gas station....no panties.....crotch shot....spreading her legs....WAIT! This is all finally starting to make sense...

The gas station represents big oil. The lack of panties speaks to a lack of supply and her c-section scar is pointing us to a c-word, such as 'catalyst', meaning the biggest catalyst for oil's seemingly remorseless rise in recent years has been the simplest economic driver there is: the balance between demand and a supply. And finally her spreading her legs is to represent the breakneck economic expansion of the developing world's biggest economies, India and China due to oil demand being at an all time high! She is WARNING us to the rise of a Communist China and it's effect on American democracy! Eureka! That's it, we've decoded Britney's genius message. She was obviously afraid to speak out so publicly against the global powers and therefore needed to communicat it with her VAGINA!

Oh Britney, you crazy genius! I'll never doubt you again! To see the most recent picks look here.

Kevin Federline's porn star affair

Star magazine claims Kevin Federline was banging porn star Kendra Jade a good month before Britney Spears filed for divorce from him. The Star's source claims:

"Kev and Kendra had sex at their friends' apartment multiple times, starting in early October," a source told the tab. "Their friend would phone Kendra and a few other girls to come hang out, and it would always end up with Kevin and Kendra heading off to the spare bedroom!"

What I don't understand is why would K-Fed go off and have sex with a porn star when he can catch some perfectly good STDs at home? It's like cheating on the Burger King with Hamburglar. Think about it...

Kirsten Dunst may be pregnant

Star Magazine has claimed in an email newsletter yesterday that Kirsten Dunst might be pregnant. The Star says:

She has been spotted wearing baggy clothing, ordering big boxes of sweet chocolaty treats, and overheard complaining of lower back pain and nausea during filming. Her rep denies that these tell-tale signs are signaling that Kirsten is a mom-to-be, but her interest in co-star Tobey Maguire's newborn daughter suggests otherwise. Kirsten has become fascinated by details about the pregnancy of Tobey's fiancee, Jennifer Meyer, asking how she dealt with morning sickness. When Tobey replied that Jennifer felt awful throughout the entire nine months, Kirsten just groaned, "Oh great!”"

I really hope she's pregnant and this isn't a false alarm. I remember when I thought I was pregnant one morning when I kept throwing up and then I went to see my doctor and he told me that I wasn't pregnant and that I didn't have a vagina. Then I went home and cried. True story.

Owen Wilson to marry Kate Hudson

Another good man goes down. Owen Wilson has been spotted shopping for a ring as reported by Page Six:

The so-called "Butterscotch Stallion" was spotted Friday with his mother at the Harry Winston store at the Highland Park Mall in Dallas. "They were looking at a huge, pear-shaped, flawless diamond engagement ring," said our witness. Owen and Hudson fell in love filming "You, Me and Dupree" last year, and Hudson soon left rocker hubby Chris Robinson. Though the bauble was an engagement band, a rep for Wilson said, "Owen's mother was looking for jewelry for herself."

First of all, kudos for landing such a hot chick, but the "Butterscotch Stallion"?? Is that what they call Owen Wilson? Talk about gay! Sounds like he's going to slap me with a white glove and challenge me to a duel...either that or pee his own pants with excitement while reading Black Beauty.

Secondly, who goes shopping with their mom anymore? The last time I went shopping with my mom I ended up with a velcro pair of Kangaroos with a zipper pocket that couldn't hold dick-all!! Ah well, I guess that's the Butterscotch Stallion for you....

Lindsay Lohan can't get her story straight

I'm starting to think Lindsay Lohan's next job will be reprising the role of 'Corky' in the film version of 'Life Goes On', because she really can't get too much retarded-er. The New York Daily News reported earlier today that Lindsay Lohan is angry at whoever is spreading the lies that Paris Hilton hit her she said:

"Paris never hit me. She's my friend. Everyone lies about everything. ... Please, stop trying to make us hate each other."

Wait a second, is this the same girl who said this just 24 hours ago:

"...I'm saying this on tape, (Paris Hilton) hit me last night, for no reason apparently, at my friends house and I didn't know she'd be there, and she hit me, and she hit me with a drink and she poured it all over me and it hurts and it's not okay and ... I'm sorry for everyone who thinks I'm crazy, I'm not ... I'm just trying to act."

Um, I'm a bit lost and disapointed that Lindsay is so dishonest, but whatever, that's who she is and nothing is going to change that. Not everyone can have the same high moral standards and intellect as I. But this will have to wait, I need to head over to my night job; reading Sweet Valley High to amputees....then stealing their money. HIGH-FIVE!

Britney's backlash

It seems that Pharrell Williams is one of many that is pretty po'd at Britney Spears lately. The spiraling booze-hound was supposed to be in Miami working with the Neptunes producer as opposed to flashing the world her c-section scars over the weekend.

"Pharrell takes this as a diss," a source says, "It's bad."

Sources were also told that Pharrell even had a basket of gourmet cupcakes sent to the Recording Studio only to be dissed yet again.

Big deal! I don't know what all the fuss is about. One time at the park, I found a gourmet cupcake in the garbage and it was practically brand new, but you don't hear me bragging about producing Britney's new album...

Denzel Washington is a sick, sick man

The NY News encountered Denzel Washington on the red carpet for the premier of his new movie 'Deja Vu' recently and asked who was the hottest actress he ever worked with.

His response? "Dakota, by far - she's the hottest of the bunch!"

Dakota Fanning. Who is 13. That's just gross...when I was 13 I was still wetting my bed! Or was that 18? Regardless, if Denzel is serious I would not feel comfortable having him anywhere near children, unless of course he had candy, because any stranger with candy can't be bad. Or a stranger with a hot tub, like in Different Strokes, that wasn't weird in the least.

Borat opens Kid Rock's eyes

It seems Kid Rock's reaction to the screening of Borat was the last straw for Pam:

Bob (Kid Rock) started screaming at Pam, saying she had humiliated herself and telling her, 'You're nothing but a whore! You're a slut! How could you do that movie?' - in front of everyone. It was very embarrassing. Pam thought he could have a sense of humor about the movie. She was in on the gag from the very beginning and loved doing the movie. And on the eve of what was supposed to be a very positive thing, he made it an awful night. Ever since, it has been icicles between them. Bob is just a very unhappy and angry man. Pam is very disenchanted and sad. You know, there are reasons why she never married him before. Those reasons disappeared while they were together on a boat in St. Tropez, but she knows now that they never went away. The reality is he is an insecure, angry man.

Huh. And it takes 3 months of marriage for Kid Rock to come to the conclusion that Pam is a slut? Isn't that what she does? Isn't it 'her thing'? Pam being a slut is like Rosie O'Donnell eating a sandwhich, Britney Spears sans-underpants or Jesus delivering presents on Christmas. It's just the way it is.

Hilary Duff is single

....and my pants are around my ankles. How do these stories relate? Good question my friends....good question.

After dating for almost two and a half years, Hilary Duff has reportedly broken up with Joel Madden citing age differences. Age was an issue? You think? Please! Their relationship was creepy from day one - he started dating her when she was like 12. That's way creepier then the time I used that Cambodian orphanage as a dating service...yep, this story is WAY creepier.

People.com has more info here.

Britney's private once again made public

Now if I had a nickle for everytime a picture of my privates ended up in the gossip rags I'd be a multi-billionaire. But since a zoom lense has yet not been invented that would be capable of capturing my privates on film let's focus on Britney Spears instead...

Let's recap: once again Brit wears a mini, once again Brit goes commando and once again I need to pay a tech guy to clean the vomit off of my keyboard. I'm honestly shocked, I always pegged her for one to wear unicorn underwear, just like mine...but bigger...

These pictures are 100% not safe for work, so please click with caution. I warned you, check out Brit's coin purse here.

Scarlett Johansson likes to smoke

In an attempt to cope with the accusations of boyfriend Josh Hartnett's cheating, the 22-year-old ex-girlfriend of mine has been smoking like a chimney of late (a hot, hot chimney that is...the ones that catch on fire raise your insurance rates......insurance rates of lust.....mmmm...). Apparently it's so bad the smoke is wafting into the hall of her apartment, causing issues with the fellow residents to which she has expressed total indifference.

Scarlett is apparently furious over recent allegations that Josh was seen in Sydney with his co-star, New Zealand actress Amber Sainsbury over the course of a weekend, sparking more rumors their relationship is rocky at best. Which of course logically links to Scarlett's increased smoking and clinical-ish depression, it's like the new math....the math of lust...mmmmm.....

Ask me how much I care about Scarlett's smoking habits, boyfriend troubles or her black-black lungs? Zero. I just wanted to post this picture. Enjoy.

Tom Cruise gay moment #563

From the 'can it get any gayer?' files: according to in-the-know Janet Charlton, during his recent wedding to his brainwashed bride Katie Holmes, Tom Cruise wore a man-girdle under his tux.

Here's a juicy little secret that Tom Cruise might kill us for telling you. Oh well, here we go- Tom was wearing a GIRDLE under his tuxedo at his wedding! In case you haven't noticed, Tom packed on around twenty pounds in the past few months before the big event. He says he's a "nervous eater." And he's had a lot to be nervous about - his exit from Paramount and his high octane marriage. When Tom arrived in Rome, we hear that Giorgio Armani was apoplectic because the wedding tux was too small. Armani personally tended to all the fittings while Tom's pants were let out and various details were adjusted. Tom wanted to look svelte so he didn't protest when Giorgio suggested girdling Tom's midsection so the jacket would fall properly. The corset was sewn into Tom's undergarment. Everyone was sworn to secrecy, but those Armani employees love to gossip, and are we grateful for THAT!

I guess it's tough for me to relate, with my 6-pack I've never had to worry about such matters. In all honesty, the only retraining devise I've ever worn under a suit was bicep-girdles to keep my massive guns in check during formal events. Look out ladies - these guns are locked and loaded!

New couple alert II: Paris and Britney (again)

Will it be Baris or Paritney? I'll let you decide.

In an effort to ensure they continue to hog the spotlight our two ladies of the night, Paris and Britney, are up to some tom follery and boob-graberdy! I would not be surprised if they end up as Hollywood's latest couple - who knows, Britney may be looking to catch STDs that even K-Fed couldn't give her...trust me if that's your goal, Paris is the best place to go. Man, I'll never make THAT mistake for a fourth time!

More pics of the lovely new couple here.

The Hollywood trend continues: Jessica Simpson now has a sex tape

A new day, a new hollywood sex tape. According to E Canada Now the story is as predictable as the last, however, I'm a tad surprised it doesn't include dirty Joe Simpson...read on:

Jessica Simpson has been left reeling by rumours a sex tape starring her is about to be leaked onto the internet. The alleged X-rated home movie is said to show the 'Dukes of Hazzard' actress and her ex-husband Nick Lachey engaged in a number of sex acts. A source told Britain's Daily Sport newspaper: "Jessica is horrified her name and sex tape are being mentioned in the same sentence. She's always been a girl of high morals and principles."

This is unbelievable, don't they have big metal boxes with strong locks to put these things in so they don't get leaked? I just don't comprehend how this continues to happen...whose next? Bea Arthur? Clay Akin? Aunt Jemima? I'll continue to report on this trend up until the Pat Sajak tape is release. Then I will go away, far...far away...

Pam Anderson and Kid Rock: Split!

According to Pamela Anderson's online diary the predictable has happened. Pam and Kid Rock have divorced, click here to read more about it.

But let's be honest with ourselves, we all knew this would happen, I think the bigger story here is that Pam Anderson has an online diary. Proving once and for all she is at least partially literate. Move over Anne Frank - when it comes to diaries you've just been upstaged! Folks, here we have some real literature!

Brad Pitt, Britney and J-LO: more weekend updates

Britney Spears has a new perfume out. I think the safe assumption is that it smells of a mix between Doritos and Cigarettes (or musty cave....)

Well folks, the impossible happened, J-Lo and Posh are friends now. With a possible fashion line in the future, is my assumption that I now need to buy a big hideous hat for my girlfriend for Christmas? Or was syphillis enough of a gift?

Sports aren't just for guys or special olympians anymore, Summer Altice plays volleyball and is wicked hot! See here.

We're all well aware of the 'camel toe' phenominon, but it seem Brad Pitt has taken it upon himself to do his best Britney Spears impression here.

Wilmer Valderrama is hitting his ex's mom and sister..oh how he has fallen. Or better yet, how far he's risen?

Courtney Love is still as ugly as ever. I totally regret taking her to the prom.

Prince Harry takes off his shirt and soaks up the sun. This picture is almost enough to make me shave my chest. Again.

Someone needs to introduce Britney to underpants

Please, please put down that sandwhich, you don't want any food in your stomach while contemplating these shots. It seems that Britney's embarrassing photos from last week were not enough, we have just been given the 'treat' of seeing Britney Spears sitting in a mini-skirt sans-underpants (I refuse to use the term 'panties' at any time - it reminds me of my crossdressing days far too vividly, it's just high heels now thank you). I think our American friends should forget about the war in Iraq, we have just found an even bigger issue to rally behind; keep Britney at home at all times and for God sakes, no mini skirts!

I've provided only the censored image above, if you'd prefer to see it all hold onto your stomach and click here.

The new man in Elisha Cuthbert's life...

...is going to be me. I know everyone tells me that sending a letter a day is not healthy and it'll just scare her off, but I tell them that I know better then to send one LETTER everyday. That's crazy talk. To really get a girl's attention you need to fire on all canons..send hourly faxes, text messages, emails, a dozen roses and of course a blood sample to prove to her I've been STD free for at least 30 days (ok...maybe 10 tops, but at least the rash is gone...errr..."gone-ish").

Yes ladies, when it comes to romance I know that all it takes is persistance, money and a willingness to hide in a girl's closet for days and days on end to prove your love. And if that scares her, well she's the weird one that just can't seem to truly appreciate romantic gestures.

Either that or I just wrote all this crap so I could put up this hot picture of Elisha Cuthbert. See more here.

Salma Hayek is ready to explode

I have very little to report on Salma, actually nothing at all - however, let me just throw this out there: are these real or fake? What are your thoughts? See more pictures of Salma's funbags here.

Now that I got that off my much smaller chest, it's time for me to head to the old folks home and pick me up some hot-assed grannies...wait, no...I mean READ to the elderly....READ.

New couple alert: Paris and Britney!

Unlike my fat American friends, I've not been stuffing my self silly with dead bird all day, so I've had the time to stay ontop of this fascinating development in the entertainment world. It seems that sexy beast herself (described as a 'tranny' by Tina Fey when seen up-close) Paris Hilton has taken poor fragile Britney Spears under her wing to mend and seduce.

As hot as that could be, my only question is this: what is it with Britney being attracted to only the trashiest people? First K-Fed, now Paris? Not to mention, Brit's new looks seems to be waning already, she looks terrible is that leopard print dress (and it looks frighteningly similar to the one in my closet...errr....i mean, my girlfriend's closet...whew...)!

I have to admit that I'm disappointed, she's gone from hot on Letterman to now looking like that hooker I found in my trunk this morning...or was it in my dumpster? Regardless, she looks like a whore. WHORE!

Read more about the happy new couple here. WHORES!

Heidi Klum gives birth, baby Seal population to increase by one

Heidi Klum and her hideous husband Seal (sporting his 'I've been hit in the face with a hot frying pan look' above) have given birth to yet another child named Johan Riley Taiwo Samuel. Yes, that's his name. I'm assuming the name came straight from the 'Big Book of Names that will guarantee a lifetime of ass-kicking for your child'.

Let's just hope the Newfoundland government doesn't legalize the baby seal hunt anytime soon, or this kid is gonna get a clubbing! Now where is my fur coat?

The sad, sad life of Reese Witherspoon...

Reese Witherspoon has turned to Renee Zellweger for support during her divorce proceedings from her gay quasi-bearded ex husband...

The two were spotted the celebrity haunt 'Cut' in Beverly Hills on Friday and Renee was seen patting a sad Reese on her shoulder and trying to cheer her up as Reese picked at her food. The two were later joined by fellow diner (and very divorced) Bruce Willis, who left his party to join the pair. Poor Bruce, knowing those two, I'm sure the sheer boredum of their company led him to slip into a massive coma...

But more importantly...look at Reese's chin! My opinion is that that's why she's divorced and now single, it's friggin' huge! It keeps getting bigger each year. Trust me, rent 'Fear' then 'Walk the Line' and tell me I'm wrong....I will print a retraction if that's the case.

Brad and Angie spend Thanksgiving in Vietnam

My twin brother Brad Pitt is yet again posing as me in an attempt to steal my life. He was spotten with his (my) lady Angelina Jolie as they were riding on a motorcycle earlier this morning in downtown Ho Chi Minh City, Vietnam where they will be spending Thanksgiving.

This is their second surprise visit as it came shortly after a surprise visit to Cambodia where Angie pledged to set up yet another charity project .

The third surprise visit will be me, outside Angelina's window, crying and wearing nothing but a stained turkey outfit, begging for her love...and the fourth surprise visit will be my mom, to prison, to pick me up and pay my bail - it seems in Asia they don't accept my subway tokens as payment. Vietnamese jerks!

The Screech sex tape is here! May God have mercy on us all....

See it here first! In all honesty, based on this screen cap alone I refuse to watch this. Doesn't anyone else this this looks like Gene Frenkle from Blue Oyster Cult?? Look at that pic....either he's playing the heck out of his cowbell, or we're in for a "treat"

I'll forever be begging my readers for forgiveness due to the pain of I'm causing by posting a picture of Screech doing his 'O' face. Love it or hate it, it sure makes a great story.


K-Fed says sex tape doesn't exist

Riiiiiight. K-Fed also says that Cheetos are a main course, beer caps are amazing decor and leaving your wife while pregnant is par for the course. That's right, I don't buy it. Here's a thought; somebody told K-Fed that blackmail was illegal and all of a sudden the tape 'is gone' (I'm sure he dubbed it a billion times first). Read more here.

If he keeps this up Britney and her lawyers will make sure that K-Fed is nothing more then a ragged old bum on the street drinking his Colt 45 outta a paper bag behind the Taco Bell....errr....wait, I mean....worse then he is now....

p.s. my other theory? KKKramer burned the tape because it was black. Racist bastard! We all expect his 'apology' soon.

Paris, Jay-Z & Puke...that's hot!

So Paris pukes on stage? I mean is that really so bad? I have orgies with my stuffed animals and feel no guilt...does that make me a bad person? Where did I put Winnie the Pooh...?

Me aside, here is the story that started it all - a recap thanks to a member of Jay-Z's audience:

Paris Hilton ...was sitting next to me the whole night. Seriously, next to me, like our legs were touching for a good 5 hours," Radin wrote on his MySpace site. "Now don't get the wrong idea. She never once said hello, nor even looked in my direction. Five hours. And it was unreal to watch. She must have pulled a compact out of her bag every 6 minutes to stare at herself and pose while Jay-Z was performing 18 inches from us." When Jay-Z left the stage, according to Radin, it was Hilton's moment. "Paris, who had been swilling straight vodka from a Grey Goose bottle for hours, gets up on stage, has the people in charge throw her 'record' on the house stereo for her to lip sync two of her songs," writes Radin. "She gets up on the stage, pukes, leaves. . . I find the music business charming."

Paris puking on stage? I have to admit, it sounds as though this was probably her best performance ever. Now sorry, gotta run seems the damn Carebears are missing again...Read more here.

Awkward moment 2: Kramer apologizes...

Michael Richards has gone and made things even more awkward, check his apology David Letterman last night (here).

Now I truly feel sorry for the man, he seems really beat up about this, but please, talk about a safe environment...two white guys, one of the biggest white comedians in the world who is also his best friend? That was too easy...where the hell is Arsenio Hall? Or Oprah? And did he really use the term 'Afro-American'? Does that word still exist?

This man is the John Kerry of comedians, if this was really a joke gone wrong he's in big trouble. Mel Gibson, then Kramer..whose next? I'm calling you out K-Fed..

Top ten reasons why Tom Cruise didn't marry you...

On the heels of yet another hollywood sham marriage, here is a list of my top ten reasons why Tom Cruise married Katie Holmes and not you:

10. You refused to use 'Highway to the Dangerzone' as your wedding song.
9. You have a vagina.
8. You have a moral issue regarding breaking your legs prior to the ceremony to appear shorter then Tom.
7. Because you know no matter how long you're married you'll never replace Goose...or Iceman...or any of those guys in the Top Gun shirtless volleyball scene...
6. He doesn't find your placenta as tasty as Katie's....(perhaps he should try to season it with A1 sauce...that's great on EVERYTHING! read 'bout it here)
5. Because you refer to your straight relationship with Tom as "Mission Impossible IV"
4. You won't let him jump on the furniture.
3. You don't know any Scientology themed bedtime stories to help put Tom to sleep.
2. Because you refused to wear the Brad Pitt mask while you're 'being intimate'.
1. You're not a gay man.

Kramer Gone Wild!

There are some things out there so despicable it's hard to even joke about it and if anyone has seen Michael Richards' racist outburst at an L.A. comedy club I'm sure you'd agree with me.

The man who once we found hilarious it now just an angry prick who lashes out like a man who just found out someone took a poop in his underwear drawer. Take a look at the video here - notice the uncomfortable laughter, then silence, then the majority of the patrons walking out...kinda like my last party. Don't pretend like you weren't invited....

Prof. K-Fed Publishes his first Masterpiece

On the heels of his break up with Britney, K-Fed has decided to better himself in an attempt to rework his persona into somewhat of a renaissance man, if you will. I mean, he's great looking, he can sing, dance, act and he's good at having babies....

But now we can add yet another qualification to his turd-filled resume: writer. Look out Oprah's Book Club (TM) here comes your next 'must read'...

Today I'm a free man
Ladies look out
Fuck a wife
Give me my kids Bitch!

....sniff....please readers, give me a moment to compose myself. Nary have I ever felt such emotion over the written word. It's simply a shame that this work (which poetic verse rivals the Psalms themselves) was relegated to the shower door of his change room at the Chicago House of Blues where he performed (p.s. performed to an empty room).

K-Fed, you have proven your gift. Now please die.

K-Fed is Hungry...

The Smoking Gun has release K-Fed's backstage demands...Yes: K-Fed has backstage demands...I would think that the assistant manager of Burger King should have more star power then this no talent hack.

Any surprises? Not enough Doritos if you ask me and the serious lack of Cheetos and Beef Jerky....

Read more here.

Shar Jackson and FedEx???

FedEx is the new K-Fed but is Shar Jackson now the new Britney? Wait a second, isn't she K-Fed's ex? And didn't he leave her when she was pregnant with their second child?

Before we start handing out the 'father of the year' awards to Spenderline (not to be confused with the 'Mr.Wet-Buns Award' of which I'm proud to say I've been the reigning champ 1998-2006!) let's hear what his ex-wife has to say about him:

Shar Jackson, the mother of two of Kevin Federline's children, says the media should stop ridiculing the aspiring rapper, who with his break-up from Britney Spears appears to have an even bigger punch-line target on his back. "He's such a nice guy," the 30-year-old actress tells Inside Edition

Now, I may not be an 'expert' in the field of 'translating what women say' (I still think 'no' means 'come into my house and take off all your clothes'), but when and ex starts talking you up and saying how nice you are, that's the sign of one thing: they are banging again. Fo'rizzle! But the baby seat back in the Kia Rio FedEx, time to start rollin' with yo' old crew.

Paris Wants a Hollywood Star

Wait, let me understand this...Paris Hilton wants a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame?? Is she serious? Wouldn't it be more fitting for her to have a star outside the Beverly Hills Infectious Disease Clinic? I don't get this, I mean, the dude who played 'Cockroach' on the Cosby Show deserves one more...(and I won't stop fighting until he does!!)

According to Life and Style Weekly magazine, Paris allegedly said: "I don't even know half these people. And, like, most of them are dead. I should totally have a star. I deserve one. I'm one of the most famous people on earth!"

This girl doesn't deserve a napkin stuck to the ground next to a hot dog stand...if anything she deserve nothing more for her contributions to society then to be married to the newly single K-Fed. Yeah, I went there......

K-Fed: Welcome to Dumpsville

So you're telling me I'm not the first guy to get dumped over text message? Really? Next you're going to tell me I no longer have to register as a sex offender!! Woohoo!

From the 'It's about time' files, Britney and K-Fed are finally calling it quits after 2 years of "marriage", just in time for her to launch her skinny new look and record a new piece of crap. This type of news is as refreshing as that orange drink they serve at McDonald's - cool and delicious! Want to read more? Click here.

My burning question is (other then, 'why is my crotch burning?') how will K-Fed afford barber school now that he's outta money and out of work?