POP CULTURE PUNDIT - The Latest Gossip and News About Your Favorite Celebs

Jessica's cans make me so happy

I can't even look at this picture without crying, it just makes me so happy to see boobs like this. If I had the choice to cure cancer or wrestle with those fun-bags I'd probably order another round of chemo because those milk cans are tight!

This might be my third chocolate martini talking, but I've just become a fan - and by 'fan' I mean 'the guy in her bushes going through her garbage looking for fingernail clipping'. Sweet lord, I'm so lonely...

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Natalie Portman might go lezbo

'Hella Hot Chick' Natalie has recently announced she sometimes fantasises about being with another woman. I think she just said it because she wanted to fit in. The rest of us have been fantasizing about her with another woman for years.

Natalie Portman just finished filming 'Goya's Ghost', where she apparently did her first nude scene. Lesbianism AND a nude scene?? I starting asking around, but apparently it's not my birthday. So I don't know what's going on. But I do think religious sceptics will be forevermore hard pressed to argue against the power of prayer.

Of course, the REAL story here would be finding out how each of 1.7 billion men worldwide celebrated the news of their answered prayers. I'm not going to, though. Sounds like too much of a handful

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Lindsay Lohan dresses like my little brother

I have a picture in my place of my brother when he was like 3 years old and it looks eerily similar to how Lindsay Lohan does in this picture.

What is she doing dressed like a 3 year old boy? Does she go clothes shopping at playgrounds based on a fashion sense one could only assume is inspired by Ronald McDonald himself? Is she going to be sweeping my chimney anytime soon? Does she have the matching hat? ANSWERS! I need answers!!


Hayden Panettiere needs to act her age

Typically with Hollywood teens there an issue of them acting much older then they should, going out drinking and partying the night away. However, in the case of Hayden Panettiere it's the exact opposite, check out these pictures of her at some kind of 'Ice Princess Party' it's like she's 12!

I mean, grow up! That's soooo immature! I haven't had an Ice Princess party since my 25th birthday - except by 'ice' I it was 'cocaine' and by 'princess' I mean 'transsexual hookers'....but I WAS wearing skates, a tiara and tights....

Check out more pics of her at the party HERE, HERE and HERE. I feel like such a dirty old man posting these...


The "Classy Hilton" gets busy at Tao

This past weekend Nicky Hilton and David Katzenburg were seen going at it hardcore at Tao in Las Vegas. Looks like he's struggling to keep from dropping her.

I'm disappointed, I always assumed she was the classiest out of her and Paris, but it seems all the Hiltons are the same...they all accept all major credit cards, offer dual occupancy and back-door access for VIPs. ZING!

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Lindsay Lohan's manager is a dick

Seems Lindsay's manager is as big of a douche as she is. Her driver plowed into Tony Bennett's daughter on Wednesday and yelled at her with the classic "Don't you know who I am?" line. Antonia Bennett says:

"(He) was hostile with me. He ran into me, then got out of his car and started yelling at me." Her manager, Keya Morgan, said Zagata was waiting to pick up Lohan in the parking lot of the Rehearsals.com recording studio in Burbank and talking on his cellphone when "he hit Antonia's car. Then he has the nerve to jump out and scream, 'Don't you know who I am? I represent Lindsay Lohan! How dare you get in my way!' He had no idea who Antonia was." Morgan said that Zagata tried to blame Antonia "but (that) there were six witnesses, including the security guard who saw him ram her." He said that Antonia was shaken up and that her car suffered close to $2,000 in damages.

I tried to pull that off once, when I was really drunk in TJ Maxx looking for a pair of slacks. I ended up stumbling into a bunch of manikins and knocked them all down - however, what surprised me the most is they DIDN'T know who I was when I said 'I WRIIIITE A GOSSIP BLOOOOGGG....' - f'ing jerks...at least I can walk!

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Britney Spears is hot again: week two

This is a very unlikely development. I would have instead guessed that Britney would be involved in a gang-bang with Abraham Lincoln, Scrappy-Doo and Nostradamus thanks to her love-powered time machine before I even BEGAN to imagine her hotness would last beyond last week.

What the hell has happened? Is there some new magic Hollywood 'hot pill'? And is this 'hot pill' made from my DNA that an evil scientist stole from me as I slept...errr...."passed out"....in a ditch...

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Britney to write a tell-all book?

Kevin Federline drove Britney to a suicide attempt? JT was a dick? Britney's had the stage mom from hell? Rumors are circulating that Britney would be up for a $10 million dollar payday for writing an autobiography that will take us from her first Vegas wedding all the way through the custody battle against Kevin.

I'm honestly looking forward to the release of this book - I'm hoping this will be a Choose your own Adventure, there could be so many possibilities..

-do you shave your head? turn to page 4

-want to make more babies? turn to page 57

-want to eat Cheetos and do heroin off of that homeless guy's corpse? turn to page 60

This stuff writes itself. Unless of course it's a pop up book....because there is only so many picture of cars on cinder blocks that Britney could use before it gets a bit slow...

Want to win some Avril Lavigne swag? I don't, but if you do - click HERE.

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Paris gets burned by Prince

Prince, it seems, humiliated Paris Hilton (not tough) when he invited her on stage with him at the Rio All-Suite Hotel & Casino in Las Vegas.

As a 'delighted' Hilton obliged, Prince,48, handed her the mic and told the audience, 'Let's see if she can really sing,' says the witness. Hilton stormed offstage - and left the club two songs later.

What weirds me out the most about this story is that aren't Micheal Jackson's 'kids' named Paris and Prince? Because if that's the case, I don't think Paris' biggest worry is getting on stage, it's probably avoiding that magical place they call 'daddy's lap'.

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Hugh Grant's lethal weapon

As if Hugh Grant wasn't enough of a sissy. He has just been arrested for kicking and throwing a tub of beans at a member of the paparazzi

The Metropolitan Police don't identify suspects who haven't been charged, but said a 46-year-old man was arrested Wednesday night on suspicion of assault and released on bail. No charges have been filed, police said.

Seriously. Beans. Beans are lethal perhaps on consumption and the resulting digestion, but to be thrown? Please! What's next? Will they outlaw meat pie? Because if so, I'm screwed - it's the only thing my Russian mail-order bride knows how to make!


Britney's pesky nipple is back

I'm shocked, SHOCKED that I've just seen Britney's nipple and have not had to fight the urge to both vomit and cry at the same time. Am I become attracted to her once again? Geez, I feel like I'm almost coming out of the closet here...except the closet is in Britney's house and by 'coming out' I mean 'secretly filming her while I'm the nude and eating her Cheetos'

For a closer look, click HERE.

To enter the Avril Lavigne contest go HERE.

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Rosie O'Donnell is off the View

It's been confirmed that Rosie O'Donnell is to announce today on "the View" that she is quitting the show. No specific reasoning is given, I can only speculate that it relates to a lack of ice cream, chicken wings and lard in the post-taping buffet.

I will also go out on a limb and theorize that she will be replaced by a large sack of potatoes that Barbara Walters will just give a bit of a poke and shake every few moments. That's quality TV folks!

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Michelle Rodriguez scares men and children alike

Michelle Rodriguez was spotted on Rodeo Drive leaving a salon looking like she just walked out of a Mel Gibson movie.

I'll be honest, I haven't had a nightmare in years, but I'm sure if I did it would look something like this...however, she'd probably also be on fire and eating babies...but you get the picture.

p.s. Have you entered the Avril Lavigne contest yet? How about losing your virginity? Okay, fine. Let's just focus on the first.

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Win with Avril Lavigne and Pop Culture Pundit!

Like free stuff? Like Canadians? Like skinny bitches? Like when gossip sites become sellouts and offer contests? Well if you're like me the answer is 'YEPPEROO!' or if you're not at all like me (you totally wish you were) it'll probably just be a 'YES!' or 'I'll get back to you...' or 'where are your pants and why are you in my house??!'

Well here's the scoop: thanks to our friends at Cingular I have 2 free Avril Lavigne "Best Damn Thing" CDs and 2 free Avril posters to give away, all you got to do is email Pop Culture Pundit and tell me why you should win. It's simple, based on the funniest, hottest or lamest email we'll award the winner! It's as easier then Britney Spears after 3 drinks, there are no rules, just impress us!

You can also enter to win a Fender Signature Series guitar by Avril Lavigne, check that here or here! Support Canadian artists and keep up that sperm count!

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Britney's new stomach is amazing!

Wow. I mean, WOW! Did she have to give up her children to Satan to get a stomach like this? Because otherwise, I don't see how this is possible considering she was pudgy like my Cabbage Patch Kid like 2 weeks ago...I mean my SISTER'S Cabbage Patch Kid....

If she did this without surgery I'm jumping on the Red Bull and cigarette diet bandwagon too! She looks amazing!


Alec Baldwin is insane

...as brought to you by galleryoftheobsurd.com


Mischa Barton looks like your mom

What is Mischa wearing? Are they jeans? are they diapers? A denim girdle?

I don't quite understand young Hollywood, these girls would wear anything if they think it's somewhat fashionable. She'd wear an iron lung to a party if some designer told her it was hot. But I have to admit, I got a soft spot in my heart for girls in iron lungs, perhaps due to my first love, Mable from the nursing home. Mmmmmm.....yes.....Maaa..COUGH! COUGH! blleeee.....SEXY!

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Kelly Clarkson can't stop eating

Wow, did she just eat Simon Cowell? This girl used to be cute, now she looks like she need to use her driveway to iron that dress (he ironing board is just too damn small).

If she keeps this up she's going to need a VCR for a pager, you know...to to make herself look small in comparison...

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Paris & K-Fed are a match made in STD heaven

Kevin Federline and Paris Hilton were seen partying together at Tao last Friday which leads me to conclude that they are now sleeping together (I couldn't write about celebrity gossip if I DIDN'T make that assumption). Think about it, those two together are like the Wondertwins of STDs! They are too powerful to stop.

They can activate their Wondertwin powers when ever in danger....form of HIV! Shape of syringe!!*. Together they can rule the WORLD!! Sweet Jesus, we're doomed!

*please google 'SuperFriends' to get it...

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Want to call Paris Hilton?

I'll be honest, I've already tried 310-801-0148 but her mailbox is fuller then Britney Spears after Thanksgiving dinner. Here's some of the other contact info from Paris' and Lindsay Lohan's recently hacked myspace sites:

Paris Hilton:


Lindsey Lohan:

If you get in touch with either drop me a line! (however, by now I'm assuming all accounts have been closed). All I got when I called Paris was some weird humming noise - so either she doesn't want her name on her voicemail, or my lines got crossed and I was connected to Helen Keller instead. Perhaps it's a bit of both?

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J-Lo in London, accompanied by a corpse

Whoa, J-lo's pants are hanging pretty low...kind of like a wizard's sleeve - which makes a lot of sense since Mark Anthony appears as though he was just raised from the dead...either that or he's on a hunger strike because the Latin Grammy Awards don't have a 'Best Male Skeleton Live Performance' category. Bastards!

All she needs is a wand, a pointy hat with stars and a beard and TA-DA! Wizard-rific!

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K-Fed has great taste

K-Fed is pictured here chatting up a 'lady' at Venetian's Tao nightclub in Las Vegas the other night. Now I'm no 'gender re-assignment surgeon' but doesn't the 'chick' look a tad manly?

Trust me, you don't want to order a taco only to get the sausage surprise. Or does he?

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Lindsay Lohan hacked!

Seem that some wacky virgins with a lot of time on their hands (and perhaps on a break from their D&D tourney) decided to hack both Lindsay Lohan's myspace page and Blackberry and publish their findings online.

And if I know anything about 'hacking' (which I do, thanks to sitting through the mid-90's classic 'Hackers') these crazy kids roller blade by day and hack by night while attempting live, love and laugh in a world gone crazy with techo-fever (rated PG for rad hacking!)

To read excerpts from her personal messages, click HERE (including a great fight with Paris Hilton! And absolutely no mention of my large unit or use of said unit with Lindsay).


Lindsay Lohan: latest lesbian?

Rumours have been circulating recently that Lindsay Lohan has been sleeping with DJ Samantha Ronson while on her recent trip to Japan. Yikes, take a look at that pic, I haven't seen a girl that butchy since I put on my mom's Sunday dress. And let me tell you, I'm not a pretty lady.

What I don't really understand is the part about the 'lesbian DJ'...do they really exist? Next you're going to tell me there is such think as a 'retarded athlete' and...wait....what? The Special what? Well I'll be...

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Jessica Simpson's juggs are massive

Whoa, I haven't seen jugs like that since my milk delivery this morning. Too bad my milkman isn't as hot as Jessica...well, who are we kidding, it was 9am and I've already had 6 beer in me so he was TOTALLY do-able. But in a totally hetero way....you know, right?

p.s. is one of them like 6 inches higher then the other?

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Paris Hilton is one crazy mofo

Paris Hilton is now officially nuts. About a week ago, she arrived alone at Les Deux to meet up with her sister Nicky, but upon leaving she started chanting "Firecrotch" to herself. A source says:

"But as Paris was about to leave, she started saying 'firecrotch' to herself - but loudly - so everyone around her could hear. And she wasn't saying it to anybody - she was all by herself. She was practically chanting it!"

Dude, I love a good chant! Sometimes when I'm working at my call center in India I scream 'USA! USA!' usually followed up with a rousing 'I'VE GOT AIDS! I'VE GOT AIDS!' Much to my surprise, my chants tend not to go over as well as I expect. Jerks.

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Beyonce's hair kills millions

Beyonce's hair is out of control! I haven't seen hair like that since the time I hooked up with Medusa...yeah, I know what you're thinking, but those damn online dating photos are never what they seem.

The date wasn't too bad, but considering she can turn people to stone I'm surprised she wasn't able to keep me hard. Because we all know that was HER fault and not mine....ahem....right?


Sharon Stone's unfortunate life choice

Why is it that once a woman becomes a certain age she succumbs to the 'erection-killer' hair cut? You know the one... a short and manageable 'do from MagicCuts that's easy to style when driving the kids to karate practice. Well it seems Sharon has also traded in her womanhood for the convenience of the erection-killing helmet as well.

What's next for Sharon? Fanny packs? High-waisted and pleated jeans? Jogging pants with her kid's soccer team name on them? Oh Sharon, how far you've fallen...delete one more from the spank-bank.

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Jenna Jameson at the T Mobile Sidekick ID party

What's the deal with Jenna Jameson? Do they keep porn stars in concentration camps now? Jenna Jameson has been making Nicole Richie look like Rosie O'Donnell.

I haven't seen anyone this skinny since that time me and Bean-Pole Jones went on that awesome adventure to SlimFast Island....or was it Iowa? Either way, Bean-Pole's got nothing on Jenna!

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Paris shows us her panties

When the wind blows up my skirt usually what you see is something akin to a skin button on a fur coat, so thank goodness Paris pantied up this time. (note: more like a 'skin sausage' or 'skin hose' but let's now dwell on it....)

Thanks for the tip JordanIsYourHomeboy! Errr....Jordan is more like 'my colleague' but whatever, 'homeboy' takes me back to simpler time...you know...1993.

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Brooke Hogan sucks..

What the hell is Brooke doing? I haven't seen anyone suck in their stomach this much since that time I had to fit into that wedding dress. Of course everyone at the family reunion found it a tad odd that I was cross-dressing again, but I didn't care, I looked pretty...pretty like Brooke 'Hulkster' Hogan!

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More unfortunate Charlotte Church

I just came across some new shots of Charlotte Church and I've posted the best of the worst. What the hell happened? She used to be hot..honest..click HERE to see (thanks Egotastic).

As she is now, I'm thinking SeaWorld must be in the process of building a tank for her to do her new shows in. 'Under the Sea' anyone?

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Hayden Panettiere is dirty and weird

Not quite sure what's going on here, but let me warn you gentlemen, she's probably younger then your little sister so stop looking! STOP! STOP! (or at least that's what my parole officer tells me to do when I come across images like this...)


Jessica Alba is BLIND!

Apparently this picture is for real - Jessica Alba is temporarily blind due some type of medical reasons. And medically speaking, her blindness was caused by seeing my massive pee-pee for the first time. She was so blown away her eyes imploded and caused her to lose all sight and all ability to reason.

Good thing I sent her that teddy bear to patch things up, but I really shouldn't have made it from my pet porcupine - now she's a grump-grumpy bear!

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Playboy Bunnies and golf make me happy in my pants

When I picture heaven, I don't see my family, Jesus or a big white light. I see Playboy Bunnies, lots of beer and golf (and maybe Tom Cruise in a big chair). Well friends, it was heaven on earth for a moment this weekend at the 7th Annual Playboy Golf Scramble Championship Finals. Check out more pictures here at http://www.gossiportruth.com/.

Thanks to the former Miss Teen Serbia, Iva, for the tip.

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Who's your daddy?

Larry Birkhead has been named biological father of Anna Nicole Smith's baby by a Bahama court (not to be confused with a 'Bahama Mamma' - which is far cooler).

Well, looks like it wasn't The Hoff afterall. My bad.

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Anna Nicole's baby daddy to be revealed today!

We are mere nano-seconds away from a court in the Bahamas announcing the true paternity of Anna Nicole Smith's daughter. Here's my betting line:

6:1 it's David Hasselhoff

8:1 it's the old man's frozen sperm

25:1 it's Howard K Stern's

35:1 she was gang-banged by Bert and Ernie and the baby develop muppety-soft fur with the onset of puberty

I'm taking the long-shot odds. Stay tuned.


Jimmy Kimmel: big fat crybaby or hypocrite?

Remember that whiny fat kid on the playground who used to get his panties in a knot over the littlest things like losing his marbles or accidentally trading his Boba Fett action figure for a Princess Leia hair set? When given the choice of dealing with his concern in a rational manner, this fat kid would instead get this posse together to kick your ass because he couldn't do it on his own. Well my friends, that kid grew up to be Jimmy Kimmel!

Check out the video HERE of him attacking celebrity blogs and their methods, means and sources by cornering Gawker editor (and apparently baby-eater) Emily Gould with the help of his publicist and a lawyer. Good work Jimmy! For you next trick will you be apologizing to everyone on the Man Show you made a fool of using the same speculative and exploitative methods? Watch the video, the hypocrisy will make your stomach turn worse then the time you accidentally fed your uncle with the 'wandering hands' some Viagra at Thanksgiving (which is now know in your home as 'Skanksgiving').

By the way, if Jimmy 'who would ever buy online advertising' Kimmel hates these sites so much, someone better remind Jimmy that's he's currently advertising on Egotastic and thesuperficial among other sites. Nice.

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The growth and growth of Charlotte Church

I'm not a big fan of the 'opera scene' or 'former opera singers re-inventing themselves as pop-stars' but I can appreciate hot, hot honies. Charlotte Church, always a tad plump, was one of those hot honies, but what the hell happened to her? It looks like she ate the four tenors!

Is she pregnant? Or just preparing for her role in the English remake of Moby Dick?

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Hot couple of the day: Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz

B-list singers unite! Famous lip-syncer Ashlee Simpson and the closeted Pete Wentz spent Saturday night making a scene at Parc in LA. An eye-witness reported:

"They definitely weren't hiding the fact that they were together. They were making out a lot and they were pretty intense."

'Pretty intense', eh? Reminds me of the time I dated Angelina Jolie for a few months - we were so passionately intense in our love-making we both ended up in the burn ward weeks and weeks just to recover. Thank goodness all those celebrities showed up and recorded a charity single to help pay my hospital bills, otherwise I'd probably still be cleaning bed pans....yep, I said 'love-making'...

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Lucy Liu's lesbian vampire sex scene with Carla Gugino

Alright, Carla Gugino was from Spin City, right? And Lucy Liu is, well, hot. What would happen if they combined both girls in a vampire lesbian sex scene? You'll find out HERE.

This is way, way cooler then the time I put in my fake vampire teeth and chewed on my sister's Cabbage Patch kid. Or is it? Check out another clip of Lucy Liu from the very same movie HERE.

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Jenna Jameson is really really fat

Am I the only one that's noticing that Jenna Jameson has been getting insanely skinny lately lately? It's really getting to the point that I'm not just as turned on as I once was about Jenna.

I'll be honest, I'm thinking now if I gotta bang a bag of bones I would rather score with the bearded Greenpeace guy on a hunger strike for the killer whales dying in the rain forest then this bulimic porn-star. Or humpback whales...whatever, I'm easy.

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Emmanuelle Chriqui shows off a bit more then she'd like

Entourage's Emmanuelle Chriqui was spotted at some recent event that I'm sure I was invited to but I declined because I was too busy sleeping with super models and teaching the blind to ride ponies.

But what makes this particular event so interesting is that if you CLICK HERE you'll see a side profile picture of Emmanuelle fully exposing her boob. I totally could have touched her boob if I wanted to, but I'm just way out of her league and I wouldn't want to lead her on. And by 'lead her on' I mean 'my parole officer doesn't let me within 200 feet of her'.

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Uma Thurman at the beach

I'm starting to think that it was Uma's boobs and not an apple from the tree that lead Abraham Lincoln to discover the theory of gravity (or whoever it was...all Americans look alike to me...).

I don't understand why in all her movies we're always lead to believe that she's 'hot' or 'attractive' or 'hittable' - I mean, the last time I saw something as saggy as Uma's boobs I was at a water balloon convention for seniors. Gross.

More of Uma at the beach HERE, HERE and HERE.

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Rosario Dawson and Rose McGowan nude on Rolling Stone

Grindhouse is opening soon, and there is no better way to promote a movie then have your two hottest starts naked on the cover of Rolling Stone. It's been proven by science.

Kinda reminds me of the time I posted nude on the cover to promote the realease of my independent film. It seems the whole 'me pantless' thing didn't go over too well because of the effect my 'surgery' has had on my 'unit'...I mean I'm sure you've heard of a botched circumcision before but....WOW.....that's just....wow...

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K-Fed is richer then you

Looks like being an hideous AND idiot can be profitable! K-Fed, who was rumoured to be coming out of his marriage to Britney Spears with only $1,000,000 has struck a deal closer to $13 million. Here are the details:

-A 2004 pre-nup called for K-Fed to get $250,000 for each year of their marriage, but Spears upped that figure to $500,000 to speed up the negotiations.
-He receives half the proceeds from their Malibu mansion, which is on the market for $13.5 million.
-$25,000 a month in child support for each of the couple's two children until they reach 18. He also gets custody of the boys four days a week.
-Federline gets to keep all the gifts Spears bought them during their marriage.
-He's forbidden from writing a tell-all about their marriage.

Considering his net worth prior to meeting Britney was probably $23.00 (in cinder blocks and beef jerky) he's coming up roses! However, I'm giving him 2 years before his investments in strip malls, bowling alleys and hair salons ruin him financially. Then all he'll have going for him are his kick-ass rhymes and music career...oh, wait....um, no he'll be screwed.

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Lindsay Lohan is very very smrt

Lindsay was interviewed over her Blackberry for the latest issue of GQ, here are some of her bone-chilling responses:

When asked about playing poker
"I just emailed my friend sara pantera saying I'm going to start playing poker again! I bought two puppies today!"

On the topic of cats
"Cats scare me. I just think of bad luck from black ones like I had in Just My Luck! I need a boyfriend. Geez."

When asked what the happiest moment of her life was
"Gotta think sex scene today" and never wrote back again.

Wow, you could ask her if she believes in Jesus and she'd respond 'BANANA!' In person she seems moderately retarded, but once you get her on her Blackberry all of a sudden it's like you're talking to a chimp, and not that smart one that knows sign language...the dumb ones with red bums.

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What the hell?

Was Beyonce shot or something? Because she looks to be in incredible pain during her performance recently on the Today Show. Scratch that...actually she looks like a transvestite in incredible pain.

What happen to that hot Beyonce from Destiny's Child? I'm thinking she died years ago and was secretly replaced by Beyonce's little know brother Julio Knowles, the gayest drag queen to ever cross the Atlantic in a paddle boat. Oh Julio, you crazy little mofo!

Scary Spice has a baby

Melanie Brown (aka Scary Spice) gave birth to a girl this morning. The baby has not yet been named, and I'm assuming since 'Baby Spice' is already taken, it might be a while. And thank God she's had the baby, pregnancy looks about as good on her as a lacy nightie would look on me.

Of course the best part of all this is that according to rumours this baby may belong to that sexy beast himself, Eddie Murphy, pending the outcome of the paternity tests. And if it's anything like my syphilis tests I had last week it's going to be SEXY! And by 'sexy' I mean 'humiliating' and by 'humiliating' I mean 'that's what I get for humping the dumpster outside of the KFC'.

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Tara Reid's bikini is a tad snug

I'm not sure why Tara is wearing this bikini top, has her acting career gotten so bad that she now need to accept hand-me-downs from 12 year old girls? Because there is no way she bought that thing thinking it was a good fit.

In her defence, she could have been high and shopping online for bikini tops. Nothing is worse then the speedos I order online while dancing with the "sweet lady H" - not only do they not fit, but sometime even come with a Cuban man already in them. Ole!

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