POP CULTURE PUNDIT - The Latest Gossip and News About Your Favorite Celebs

Justin Timberlake's New Video

Let me be frank. My last few post have been about gay celebs, who is coming out of the closet and who is having gay sex. Well, that's just not right. It's about time that I post something that's totally not gay, 100% straight, as manly as a big tough hairy republican lumber jack.

Here it is; Justin Timberlake's new video SexyBack. Watch it, enjoy it and feel more like a man then you ever have in your life.

....now who stole my loofah?

Obvious News of the Day: Lance Bass is Gay

I've never been less shocked in my life. Let's all hope this now gives Clay Aiken the strength to do the same.

The Gaylarious Adventures of George Michael Continue

From the man who brought us world's creepiest song, Father Figure (a.k.a the Ballad of Joe Simpson) we now have even creepier news. The Daily Mail in the UK had the following to report about George Michael:

The 43-year-old star was caught emerging from the bushes after a sexual encounter with pot-bellied jobless van driver Norman Kirtland on the notorious homosexual haunt Hampstead Heath.

Yep, you read that right. Pot-bellied jobless van driver. And it gets worse, as George Michael emerged from the bushes he scolded the media saying to leave him alone and that it's his right to have sex in the bushes with another man because 'it's our culture'.

It's our culture? Is he talking about Greek culture? He must be, because if I remember anything from Greek Mythology it's that Greek men have sex with other men. That and they also play acoustic guitar beside exploding jukeboxes. It's fact. Opa!

New Couple Alert: Jake Gyllenhaal and Lance Armstrong!

Alright, I've been seeing pictures of these two love-birds together too long to not comment. These two spend more time together then me and my last 3 girlfriends combined....and by 'girlfriends' I mean that girl whose window I stand outside...and by 'standing outside' I mean loudly crying and professing my undying love in song...I tell you, those retirees really know how to play hard to get...I love you Gwendella...

Back to the brokeback bicyclists. Why is it every time I see them riding eachother...um, I mean....together Jake is always taking up the rear? I guess that's just how he likes it. More on the lovebirds here.

Mark my words these guys will be common-law by the end of this year. Just don't ask Jake where he wears his 'Live Strong' yellow band.

David Beckham's Scary Night in Italy

Oh god!! Look out behind you David! It's a skeleton! And it looks like she's got a hold of your hand! Run!!

Oh wait, that's not a skeleton, it's only Beck's emaciated wife, Posh Spice, looking as gaunt and skeletal as ever...

I'll admit, I'm all for skinny chicks but this is getting a little out of hand. Just put a couple bugs buzzing around her and she'd be a shoo-in for one of those 'Feed the Starving African Children' commercials. Please Victoria, eat something, we don't need another Nicole Richie.

Britney's New Manny

Whatever happened to Manny Perry? Did K-Fed's insecurities finally push him away? Who is this Manny now? Does this mean Sean Preston will survive another week without being dropped on his head? Why am I wearing my mom's Sunday dress?

And the biggest question is, how did Britney harness the 1.21 gigawatts to power the flex capacitor to send her back in time to find this goatee'd hold-over from 1996? Retro is always cool, but please. I haven't seen this look since the movie Singles.

Read more about the new man keeping Sean Preston alive here.

Paris Hilton Slams Rich Kids

From the 'calling the kettle black' dept. Paris Hilton today (as reported on dailyindia.com) blasted rich kids who depend on their parents.

The only way I can fully articulate my feelings on the matter is by telling you that when I read this my head seriously exploded. It did. All over my computer screen. Paris Hilton blasting rich kids who use their parents money? Isn't like sort of like Michael Jackson molesting himself? Doesn't she have a $50 million inheritance waiting for her?

Wow. Paris just hasn't been the same since she gave up sex.

Obvious News of the Day: Justin Timberlake does Drugs

Finally, an rational explanation to why Justin Timberlake is still with Cameron Diaz - he's on drugs! Justin recently admitted to the following to the UK Sun:

"I get plastered, I've done my fair share of drugs and I've been caught with my pants down. I just make sure there are no cameras around. I try to live my life in a well-rounded manner."

Saying a 20-something young popstar is doing drugs is like saying that the hobo I pass on the way to work every morning lives in a refrigerator box. It's just obvious. Except when it's Justin Timberlake who says he's doing the drugs it's sorta like saying the bum paid $700,000 for the box and built a custom made hole out the side to pee out of. Do you see where I'm going with this? Me neither.

More Justin/drug news here.

Ben and Jen Pregnant Again?

And why do we care so much? I don't know...but looks like on the set of Jennifer Garner's new movie 'The Kingdom' she has an obvious bump. Considering she's already lost all the weight from the original pregnancy this is highly suspect.

Of course, it could be a fake pregnant tummy for the movie and I will then look like world's biggest idiot. However, if it is a fake tummy, I hear Tomkat is looking to pull off yet another fake pregnancy/fake baby - perhaps they can borrow it afterwards. Because Tom boyfriend won't let him knock up 'Kate' for real.

Click here to read more.

Paris Hilton to Give up Sex, No Really..

Our British friends at the Sun Online have reported that Paris Hilton has..........i can't say it.......hehehe..........GIVEN UP ON SEX!! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Oh man that is rich! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!

She says she's doing this to 'rediscover herself' and that she doesn't want to just 'give it away' because that's 'gross'. I don't think she's stopping under her own volition, my assumption is that the United States Surgeon General has ordered her to cease all sexual activity in hopes to put an end to the herpes epidemic that seemingly is affecting anyone within a 100 miles radius of where Paris is. Read more about it here.

Tomkat Pregnant Again?

Is this the sign of the Antichrist? I'm certain I read about this in Revelations - Tom Cruise and Katie 'Kate' Holmes may be pregnant yet again. The first question that comes to my mind is that if this is true, what does Tom's boyfriend think?

It seems there is enough speculation of this story that it is now being printed as fact in reputable sources, such as popculturepundit (I'm like Dan Rather, but even less reliable). However, if you want a 'real source' check out US Magazine on newsstands this week to read more on this story.

My opinion is that these manufactured rumours are building more and more questions about their relationship in general and the ever popular missing baby Suri. Is this perhaps simply to bump up the asking price of exclusive pictures? Wait and see.

Lindsay Lohan does Matthew McConaughey

Up until recently, Lindsay Lohan has been rumoured to be dating Harry Morton, the founder of the Pink Taco Restaurant. Yes, you read that right, the Pink Taco (I wonder what he's eating tonight).

But recently, Lindsay has been seen with a new man. Matthew McConaughey was hosting a casual party at his place in Malibu and apparently Lindsay was all over him infront of all the guests! Matthew, how far have you fallen from Penelope to LiLo? I'm certain Lindsay "Fire Crotch" Lohan has more STDs then Matlock viewers have adult diapers. I mean, I'd hit that, but unlike Matthew I'm both desperate and disease ridden (man, I really have to take that out of my Lavalife profile).

Read about it here.

Britney Spears: Frugal, Forgetful and Fugly

When it comes to finding a good deal I always think "Britney Spears". Well, actually, when I think Britney it's usually 'high chance of running over Sean Preston with her riding lawnmower before any chances of her pop career re-launching'. But for the sake of this story, let's focus on the former.

If you have a look at the picture above you'll see Brit wearing her cheap $34 necklace from Banana Republic with the price tag still on. Man, that's embarrassing! Kinda reminds me of the time when I showed up at the dinner party and I left the price tag on my Russian mail-order bride. Now that's a real conversation killer! But let me tell you, Olga was the best 500 Rubles I've ever spent!

Thanks to Dlisted for the scoop.

Exclusive! Proof that Suri Cruise Exists!

Our friends at TMZ have come up with the birth certificate for Suri Cruise, see it here. Now this proves she's for real even though no one (including the Cruises' best friends) has seen the baby. Right?

My honest opinion is that there is no baby and this birth certificate is as faked as Tom's sexual orientation. It'll be easier to get a picture of a Yeti before you'll see anything of Suri. First of all they don't use Tom Cruise's real name in this document, not to mention that Katie Holmes' legal name is not Kate.

But I think the biggest give-away is that the witness that signed the certificate is 'Maverick' and the place of birth is 'highway to the dangerzone'. Now I'm no lawyer, or "social inclined" but that just doesn't seem 'legal'. Because if this was a real birth certificate we all know that the witness who would be signing this would be Xenu or Tom's boyfriend.

Ashlee Simpson: Playboy Update...

Ashlee has officially responded to the Playboy offer for her to pose nude for $4 million dollars, wanna read it? Right here my biatches:

"I can make $4 million somewhere else. My body is for me and for whoever my love interest is at that moment, and that's the only person who gets to see it." (p.s. by "love interest" she means me)

It's great that playboy is lowering their standards, but seriously, I would kill a man for $4 million dollars, I'd pose in Playgirl for five dollars, I'd kiss Joe Simpson for six dollars...why won't she do this? Her career will be over in a matter of 2 years, Tiffany did Playboy and so will she, why not just stop delaying the inevitable and do it.

Check the source here.

Matthew McConaughey goes on a Bender!

Where do frat boys go when they finish school? Uh, apparently Costa Rica. Matthew McConaughey was photographed drinking like my prom date on the beach with a bunch of vacationers recently, check out pics of homeboy's lost weekend here.

Drinking, being rude, falling down and generally making an ass of himself? Wow - it's fanastic to find out that me and the Sexiest Man Alive have yet another thing in common. Now if you'd excuse me, there is a beer stain on the floor I need to lick...

Avril "The Hobbit" Lavigne Celebrates Bachelorette in L.A.

(Thanks to my dearest and smartest reader Ellen for the scoop!) It seems that according to Canadian website Dose.ca Avril Lavigne celebrated her bachelorette party on June 30th along side fellow Canadian rocker and fiancee Deryck Whibley of Sum 41. The couple partied together at Koi (a popular L.A. restaurant) before heading to the Lobby, yet another trendy place they'll never let me into.

The only reason I consider this gossip worth posting is for the following reasons, first of all, Avril is a Canadian and second of all, dwarfs are people too. Well maybe she's not a dwarf, but at 5'2", why do I feel that when I look at pictures of her I mine as well be scoping out junior high girls from the back of my van? Gross. Now where is my copy of the Babysitter's Club?

Read more about it here.

Nicky Hilton's New Venture: Hotels...no really, Hotels

Hmmm....since I'm a pop culture specialist, does that make me a celeb? In which case, do I get 'back door access' to the Nicky Hilton? Dual occupancy? It's all good.

Well it seems Nicky Hilton is trying to convince us that she is starting her own hotel without the help of her family. Seriously. It's like me getting drunk without the help of beer. The hotels will be called 'Nicky O' and feature bellboys in thongs, condoms instead of mints on the pillows and dead hookers in each closet. Well, ok, the 'Nicky O' part is true...

If you'd like to read more about a failed business venture by a rich girl begging for bailout from her rich parents, read more here. Because we all know she earned the investment capital on her own, right?

Paris Hilton Has Seizure at Night Club...

...oh wait, I think she's dancing. Now I'm no doctor, but that doesn't look normal. What does she call that move? 'The Emily Rose'?

Check it out here. The first time I saw this video of Paris dancing, my eyes bled, that's right...BLED!! Let's all pray to God/Aaron Spelling that we never have to see this again.

I think I'd rather witness Air Supply being killed by a group of rogue midgets in hammer pants then ever watch Paris dance.

Keira Knightley is Definitely not Fat

I had a girlfriend once that was really hot - but then she started to put on weight. That wasn't cool. So I begged and begged her to stop eating, because fat chicks are just like mopeds, they're fun to ride until your friends find out. And I didn't want to be the guy riding the moped.

Long story short, I can sum up my solution in one word: ipecac. A little bit of that in her food everyday and she rode the bulimia train all the way back to hot-ville. Of course, then I had to dump her when she started looking like Nicole Richie. Yep, just call me the "relationship expert" - I'm like right out of a Hugh Grant movie, without the smirk or the accent, or the predictable plot.

Now another famous skinny chick is in the news, Keira Knightley has been fighting allegations that she's anorexic based on her apperance at the Ass Pirates of the Something-something premier. My opinion is it's no big deal, the worst part of anorexia is having to deal with the lame nicknames like 'Slim' or 'Boney McBoneyards' - otherwise you're hot and skinny. Win-win.

More about it here.

Brangelina's Stolen Pics Recovered by....Secret Service??

Since all other domestic issues in the United States have been resolved, the Secret Service had time to be involved in raiding the home of a man to recover the stolen memory stick which contained pictures of Brangelina's baby shower. Read about it here.

Now I just might be a naive Canadian here, but aren't there higher, more pressing issues in terms of national security for the U.S Secret Service to be concentrating on? Or perhaps when they said that pictures of their baby shower were stolen perhaps they meant 'pictures of us, Dick Cheney and the entire UN with all our pants off?' because otherwise, why else would the SS...opps....I mean Secret Service be needed?

Anyway, the pictures have been found and Jolie-Pitt are happy again. Now they can go back to saving the world, you know, by getting pictures of themselves taken with poor Africa kids. Because saving the world is not about food and education...it's photo ops my friends, photo ops.

Canada Day Special: Avril Lavigne Drunk!

To celebrate Canada (America Junior's) Day I'd like to celebrate my country's 139th anniversary by showing a drunk Avril Lavigne.

I'm surprised we don't see pictures of her wasted more often. Sure she's cleaned up lately and is looking less like a Hobbit, but that's no excuse to stop living the rockstar lifestyle. Rockstars should always be sniffing coke, killing hookers and trashing rooms. No excuses. Even Keith Richards, who may or may not require the use of an iron lung, still parties hard. I saw the dude once passing out in an alley cracking it up with a bunch of hobos, pulling out his own teeth and playing air guitar....Avril could learn something.

Happy Birthday Canada! We're a gay-loving, dope-smoking, gun-hating, no-Iraqing, funny talking, universal healthcaring, amazing country!

Nick and Jessica's Divorce is Final

Um, does this mean that there isn't going to be another season of Newlyweds? Really? I haven't been this shocked since Ashlee Simpson turned down Playboy.

Reports are flooding in that Nick and Jessica have moved forward with finalizing their divorce, the documents are signed and the it's now legal.

We all know what that means, right? Finally! The divorce totally clears the way for that old pervert Joe Simpson to finally take his shot. There is nothing is his way now, no Nick, no silly 'laws' or 'morals'...

Tori Spelling is a Bad Daughter

Everytime I see the horse-faced Tori Spelling part of me is always waiting for the 'after' picture to come up. Medical Science can transplant faces now, right? I'm sure with the chunk of the Spelling fortune coming her way, Tori can afford it.

Ugly horse-faces aside, Tori is being highly criticized for being world's worst daughter in dealing with her father's (Aaron Spelling's) passing. Apparently she prefered to party it up in Toronto as opposed to visiting her father after his stroke (in her defense, she was told it was 'minor' - you know, those 'itsey-bitsey' little strokes that 83 year-olds get...) and she's yet to return to the Spelling home since he passed. She has instead taken the news of her father's death and turned it into a publicity machine for her new reality TV show.

Being an fugly, full-on bad person aside, I still respect her for being a virgin all those years. Even with that willey David always trying to get into her pants...

Here's the details.