POP CULTURE PUNDIT - The Latest Gossip and News About Your Favorite Celebs

Britney Spears passes away 1981-2007

I can't believe I'm reporting this, but Britney Spears passed away today at the age of 26 after being found unresponsive in a washroom of the LA hot spot NABU. An autopsy has not yet been performed, but it is believed that she was under the influence of a prescription drug and may have overdosed on an injectable street drug.

Britney is best known for her studio albums, music videos, and songs such as "...Baby One More Time", Oops!...I Did It Again, I'm a Slave 4 U and the Grammy Award Winning "Toxic". In the early 2000s, Spears's success as a singer led her way to high-profile deals and endorsements, as well as forays into other forms of media, including film and reality TV. Her third and fourth albums, Britney and In the Zone, were released during this era. In 2004 she married dancer and aspiring rap artist Kevin Federline.

Details surrounding her death are still being released by LA coroner's office. Please stay tuned.

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Courtney Love's stomach is sick

Oh God, her stomach looks disgusting, it's like a half empty sack of cottage cheese. I don't know who her plastic surgeon is, but a veterinarian could eat a mannequin and crap out a better looking body then what Courtney paid for.

Thank God Kurt Cobain is dead, otherwise he'd be banging that loose sack of a woman thinking 'Why the hell can't I get Billy Joel-caliber honies?'. Gross.

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Victoria and David Beckham: also lesbians

Speaking of lesbians, don't Victoria and David Beckham look like a lesbian couple? I mean, I think I'd have an easier time accepting a white man playing a lead role in a Spike Lee movie before believing David Beckham is a man...a man with gayer hair then Zack Morris.

Damn pretty soccer players....

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Drew Barrymore: LESBIAN?

Jane Magazine founder, Jane Pratt, has admitted getting jiggy (as the kids said in '97) with Drew Barrymore.

She said, "One of my dreams is to return to Howard's show and tell him the truth about Drew Barrymore and me." I guess Howard asked Jane if she had effed another chick and she admitted to it, but wouldn't say who.

Jane said, "It was someone famous. I did have sex with Drew Barrymore."

Wow, I think I'd prefer to wear a girl scout uniform and chew bubble gum around Roman Polanski then picture Drew as a lesbian. She's so damn saggy it's like she's ruining lesbian sex for all of us - kinda like when Star Trek went off the air and caused America to lose the Vietnam war...burn in Hell Gene Roddenberry....BURN IN HELL!

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Thora Birch's dad is gross

Like having sex? Like having your dad watch you having sex? Like having your dad giving you direction when you're having sex? If you're like me the answers are YES! YES! YES! ..errrr....oh wait....I mean NO.....

Well if you're Thora Birch (American Beauty) 'whose your daddy?' takes on a sexy new meaning. And by 'sexy' I mean 'I rather do Bill Cosby'. Read more about it here thanks to our friend at Tasteful Society.

Britney and K-Fed settle

One million dollars. That's all K-Fed is getting.

I couldn't handle thirty seconds with Britney for a million dollars and that's all K-Fed got for marrying her? I think I'd rather spend a month cuddling, licking and shaving that monkey from outbreak before even sitting in a room with Britney.

Read more about the settlement HERE.

Salma Hayek is a monster!

Here's Salma heading to her NYC hotel room the other day and she's looking huge as ever. I didn't quite understand that 'pregnancy' resulted in 'reaching the size of the exploding Japanese whale' - don't get me wrong, I'd still hit it, but I'd have to just super-size the paper bag I was using.

Tara Reid looking damn hot

Sorry for the lack of posts recently, I was stuck in Chicago sans-laptop for the last few days, sitting in my hotel room emptying the mini-bar. After that experience I now I know why they call Chicago 'The city of dead dead children and broken homes'....or was it 'The Windy City'? I can't remember.

Anywhoo, I just got back and came across this gem: Tara Reid actually looking pretty hot (considering in the past little while she's looked more like Britney's vagina then anything). Judging by how she's been looking recently I've even begun to consider dumping my pirate girlfriend Rusty Penicillin and giving her a go. Ah Rusty.....can you even compete?

Speaking of fake boobs....Victoria Beckham

I don't intend for all my posts to be boob-focused today, but PLEASE! Posh Spice's boobs look as hard as rocks. It's like she got these done at Jiffy Boob - because there is no way a professional could ever subject a woman to such a terribly botched procedure.

I'd rather see Louise Jefferson naked in a vat of butter then ever touch those concrete monster of Victoria's. And what's that dress all about? Do rich English people own time machines that will bring them back to 1980 to pick up clothes from the prom? Gross.

Paris' boob are huge

For a second time in two week Paris' new boobs have made a public appearance. I'm assuming she's still sticking to the 'it's a really good push-up bra' defence and continuing to deny the boob job. In science class I remember hearing about the 'continental shift' however, that was referring to tectonic plates drifting over time and not two boobs growing closer together, which I believe Paris will be trying to convince us that that is the case once we stop buying the push-up bra story.

A push-up bra can't do that kind of magic, unless of course it's David Copperfield's bra..but then then you'd constantly have the worry in the back of your mind that it's going to make your boobs disappear, or turn you into a gorilla. I guess there are pros and cons to everything...POOF!

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Bruce Willis scores big?

Multiple sources confirm that after Hugh Hefner's big bday bash at the Palms, Bruce Willis hooked up with ex-Baywatch star Donna D'errico.

"They left together and definitely hooked up," says a source close to the former Playmate and Baywatch star.

Thank God! Now that she has Bruce maybe she might finally stop calling me and leaving all those dirty voice mails. And by 'dirty voice mails' I mean 'she has a restraining order against me for all those times I used my Donna D'errico fan club card to break into her house and pretend I was one of her stuffed animals....an animal stuffed with LOVE....'

Queen Latifah is super hot!

I think I'd rather sleep with a homeless woman and take my chances with a wide variety of STDs then even look at this picture for another second, Queen Latifah is like a virtual vasectomy...a cheap and effective way to curb reproduction.

Paris Hilton is missing a tooth?

I'm not a "dentist" "oral hygienist" or even "potty-trained" but shouldn't there be a tooth in that space? Or is she slowly pulling those bad-boys out in hopes to increase her 'oral skills'? Dunno, but either way I'm turned on, now where's my floss?

Tommy Lee is most likely gay

I'm not one to throw around such labels as 'gay' or 'shifty' or 'cock-sure', but in the case of Tommy Lee I'm thinking he's 2 outta those 3. Hollywood rag reports:

The Motley Crue drummer - who has previously confessed he is so obsessed by feet he prowls shoe shops in the hope of catching a glimpse of womens' toes - shocked onlookers at Seattle's Feniz club when he abandoned a groupie's toes in favour of his male bandmates.

A source told the National Enquirer magazine: "Tommy was sucking the feet of a buxom red-head while his band Supernova watched."But when lead singer Lucas Rossi pulled off his shoes and socks and asked for 'a good licking' Tommy ditched her and started tonguing Rossi's feet."

He then sucked the feet of other band members while onlookers howled in disgust.

I think I just threw up my popcorn I had this afternoon after reading that. And by 'throw up my popcorn' I mean I just shoved a chisel up my nose in hopes that a total lobotomy could erase the memory that Tommy Lee sucks men's feet.

Tyler Durden: I say thee nay!

This post is to respond to the comments I received to date regarding my 'Gossip Blog Wars' post a few days back (read it here). It just so happens that the writer of one of the site got his panties in a knot (let's just say it wasn't thesuperficial) and felt the need to post some comments under the clever pseudonym of 'anonymous' (was 'clinically retarded' taken?)

Now I won't call out the site writer (ahem - 30 year old bodybuilder who dates 17 year old Asians with clear anger issues relating to a possible steriod habit - ahem) by name, because I appreciate my anonymity as writer of this site and will respect other's privacy (most of my friends and family have no idea this site even exists, and I want to keep it that way). That being said, I would like to respond to the comments and present a retort, much like how the other site writer attacked thesuperficial's writers earlier this week or like I'm the captain of my own little debating team...either way it's awesomely one-sided.

Anonymous said...
...The archives for this site date back to May. Do a site:url in Google and you'll see only ~140 indexes. Search further and you'll see 2/3 of those are in Supplemental. There's a reason for that. It's probably why this site is getting only 300 hits a day when it should be getting at least 3k after a whole year. Also look at the referers. There isn't one hit from google. It will take you about 2 minutes to check all this as it did me.

Touche. It's true, my traffic levels aren't huge, they can fluctuate day-to-day based on what sites are linking to me. I don't have partners, a rich backer or huge sites in my network driving traffic to my site, I use blogger.com and simply rely on a loyal readership base and big stories now and again to account for any sharp increases in traffic.

Anonymous said...
once again. check the rankings. wwtdd is by far the most popular of all the sites owned by gorillamask. gorillamask.net's alexa rankings is only 3067 while wwtdd is 2318. it only takes 2 min to look it up. it takes 30 seconds to open your mouth and sound like an idiot.

Charming and Mel Gibson-esq even. My traffic levels can be 20,000 visitors a day or 500, it varies, anyone can check my sitemeter, I have nothing to hide. I honestly would rather grow slowly and organically with repeat visitors who enjoy my site. I prefer having a small growing community then people being driven to my site thanks to partner sites (and porn sites apparently). I'll admit, I try to promote my site when possible, yet I still feel my conservative growth so far creates a fun environment and according to the emails I get from my readers (popculturepundit@hotmail.com) this approach seems to be appreciated.

I'm admittedly just a small blogger and this is nothing more then a creative outlet. I'm not looking to become famous or rich, I have a day job then I enjoy and this site is simply a fun hobby and distraction for me. I'm not about to get in a pissing contest or a 'who is bigger?' arguement with that site because I'd lose. But at least I'm in a place where I'm confident with what I have and don't need the numbers to enjoy what I do...the other site, not so much.

Lindsay Lohan finds God?

Here are some inspirational pics of the NEW Lindsay Lohan and her fav reading book 'God's Promises' a book of bible passages intended to help people through trying times in their lives.

I don't buy it. Lindsay Lohan finding God is like me finding the North Pole using a banana and juice box as a GPS. It's just not going to happen, and nothing more then another trend in her shallow life.

Secondly, it doesn't take a rocket scientist to realize that she wants us to see her carrying this book. Otherwise why would she carry it around with her with so many photographers present? I've giving this new 'transformation' a week at best, Lindsay wouldn't know the difference between Jesus or Danny Glover if he punched her in the face. And trust me, Jesus has a mean left hook.

Rose McGowan in a see thru top

Now with Grind House coming out Rose McGowan has been showing up at a lot more Hollywood events and parties, and by the look of it she hasn't skipped a beat...

Of course, they used to say that about me too when I was in my local beat-boxing competition, they'd say 'That guy HASN'T skipped a beat'. How do these relate? They don't...enjoy the pic.

Gossip Blog Wars!*

*Not to be confused with War Games or Warren Buffet or Family Feud...

Ordinarily I write about celebs, rich people and anyone else in the spotlight that needs to be taken down a notch due to their misplaced feelings of self-importance.

However, this was too funny to pass up. Rival celeb gossip sites WWTDD.com and thesuperficial.com are now fighting like two little school girls who've read each other's diaries by going tit-for-tat on who stole from who. WWTDD is doing his best Matlock impression by posting stories in an Exhibit A and Exhibit B formats chronicling what he feels is pure plagiarism. What results in nothing more then awkward venting and finger pointing that really just make his readers feel like they would if they just walked in on their mom tossing their dad's salad. You know, embarrassed and slightly aroused....

My feelings? It's all the same f'ing stories and material we're working from. The jokes are usually obvious and otherwise derived from the same obscure pop culture references we've grown up with (WWTDD seems to get the majority of his jokes from Hot Shots! Part Deux and The Nanny) and all this venting is worthless.

Read more cry-babying HERE. I hope writers at thesuperficial are man enough not to respond.

Scarlett Johansson side boob video

Scarlett Johansson + side boob is the hottest combination since that homeless girl I dated and her cats or Ben Affleck and his hair piece. Yep, THAT hot.

Watch the video HERE.

Britney Spears, class act

UK paper the Daily Star reports that Britney Spears was caught getting down in the bushes of Promises rehab center with another patient. Apparently the two were playing a game of tennis when suddenly they disappeared. They were later found 'frolicking in the foliage of the grounds and had to be separated by security staff'. Sources say:

"The next thing they had sneaked off into the bushes and were getting pretty passionate. They weren't actually having sex but there was definitely some groping. We had to step in to separate them. They were told off. They're in rehab and relationships between vulnerable people aren't really encouraged."

If this was 5 years ago I'd probably high-five that guy for scoring with Britney Spears, but considering what Britney has turned into (bald and tubby) the only prerequisite to get in her pants now days is a stash of cocaine, Red Bull, a pulse and 30 seconds. Hey wait....that's me! HIGH FIVE!

Kevin Federline's own search engine

Seems the Information Super-Highway has been demolished and replaced with a wheelchair ramp...K-Fed now has his own search engine.

Try it out, see what comes up when you search douche-bag.

Lindsay Lohan and I have something in common...

Neither of us wear bras and we're both terrible actors. Look closely, enjoy the pic.

Gene Simmons' plastic surgery

Gross. Here's a pic of Gene leaving the hospital moments after being discharged from a recent face lift. And by 'face lift' I mean 'being hit in the face with a hot frying pan', because he looks like a damn burn victim..or an alien after his UFO crashed into a burning building or Tori Spelling on 2 hours of sleep. Either one...

Natalie Portman's nude scenes

We've got Natalie Portman's nude scene from Goya's Ghost. I haven't watched these clips yet, but I hear they're pretty intense...could even say torture-rific, and if you're into that stuff (sicko), hold onto your pants, and prepare to hump your monitors here they are (perverts):

Scene #1, #2, #3. Enjoy

Hayden Panettiere licks the cup

This is has got to be a Canadian pedophile's wet dream: underage Hayden Panettiere is seen here licking hockey's biggest prize, the Stanley Cup. Very creepy.

I'll be honest, I've kissed the Cup before....and now she's licking it. Huh, I guess that's kind of like Hayden and I made out and.....oh god........uh, I think I've made out with a 17 year old girl!! Whoa. Well there goes my new years resolution of not landing on the sex offender registry.

More of Hayden kissing, licking and humping the Stanley Cup HERE.

Lindsay Lohan loves to drink

The last time I left AA I spent most of my time making amends, going to trial for killing hobos and working kids parties as Coco the Sober Clown. But one thing that an alcoholic SHOULDN'T do is go back to hitting the bottle hard.

"The newly blond starlet was with Jude Law at The Box both Friday and Saturday nights, where spies said she was "drinking champagne and dancing with four Lindsay look-alikes." She also partied at Stereo last Friday, Butter and Bungalow 8 on Monday, and had plans to hit the Plumm last night with pal Charlotte Ronson. Lohan's rep, Leslie Sloane Zelnik, told Page Six, "Lindsay's doing fine. She's taking her life day by day."

Day by day seems to translate to: drink by drink. Lindsay seems to be so out of control before we know it she'll be the next Anna Nicole. And by 'Anna Nicole' I mean 'dead'.

Tara Reid and her see-thru top

Last time I walked around town in a top like this I woke up the next morning in a strange man's bed not remembering a thing from the night before. But I didn't say anything, because I knew I was asking for it by showing off my moobies with such a revealing top.

I wish people would just respect me for my mind and rather large manhood as opposed to my moobies. You know, like Tara Reid. Someone drunk already? I think so....


Britney: coke addict and big baby

Star Magazine is reporting that Britney Spears is drinking 24 cans of coke a day while in rehab (isn't that over 3,000 calories?). Not only that but the staff at Promises are saying that Britney has had a terrible attitude during her stay. They say:

"Britney has a seriously bad attitude problem," an "insider" tells Star. "She's been very demanding; acts like a 12-year-old and throws temper tantrums when she doesn't get what she wants! "She refuses to pick up after herself and even asked if she could hire a maid!" adds the source. "She's asking for this and that, special food, special everything...and she's not that nice to anyone."

It's likely that Spears is acting out, reports that mag, because she feels she doesn't belong in rehab in the first place. "I heard she keeps saying she is just sick from postpartum depression and that she does not have any real addiction problem, which is a joke," the source tells the mag. "She has an addiction."

My problem with this whole story is that the staff from this professional rehab facility continues to leak this kind of information! What will this do to their reputation? I tell you what, this lame-ass facility would be lucky to host a 8 year old's birthday party by the time all this ends. And I know all about throwing parties for kids...um, well that is before I had to register as a sex offender and give up my job at Chucky Cheeses'...but still....PARRRRRTAAAY!!

Ashley Olsen's bra

Why do the Olsens always look like 10 year old boys in their mom's clothes playing dress up? Here we see Ashley Olsen on the street wearing a shirt, flashing a lacy bra underneath.

I'm not saying that there is anything wrong with small boobs, but if any of the Olsen twins try this kind of thing again - lose the Raggedy Ann bra and hit up Victoria Secrets.

Scary Spice is preggers

A MASSIVE 8-month pregnant Melanie Brown (aka Scary Spice) exited her trailer for a few moments to wander Beverly Hills yesterday. Looks like she's finally living up to the name 'Scary' or even better 'Hungry Spice'. I mean, are women supposed to look this big while pregnant? I wouldn't know - I usually break up with my girlfriends and/or fake my own death prior to the third trimester.

Now I'm no doctor, but it seems when you're carrying the baby primarily in the butt like Melanie it's usually a boy....or a kitten. I don't remember. Gross.

Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen are the spawn of Satan

Have you ever seen anything as creepy as these two? I feel like they should be offering me apples to come into their house made of candy and bake me alive. Well, actually judging by those two I'd suspect the house would be made of Melba toast, water and wheat grass, because too much candy might bump them over 95 pounds - and we all know no one likes a fatty.

Is is just me, or have my last 5 posts made fun of fat people? Meh.

J-Love's got cankles

Here are some pics of Jennifer Love Hewitt taken on the set of "Ghost Whisperer" last week. Look at those tree-trunks for legs! She's fallen to the point where I'm thinking her next role will take place in an aquarium at SeaWorld or as Grimace's stunt double in the upcoming McDonald's campaign.

I'm not saying that all girls have to be skinny and hot, but if you're the 1 in 30 million that makes it to Hollywood, keep that pie-hole empty and hop on the treadmill.

Paris Hilton got a boob job?

I have a number of concerns with this picture. First: boobs: I've seen my fair share of push-up bras, but this is ridiculous. I smell a boob job (which is tough to decipher from the smell of mildew in my basement apartment... but I do) even though Paris claims otherwise.

But what concerns me the most is her face...it's beginning to look like it's made from wax, what has she done? You could seriously make out with a candle and get the same effect of kissing Paris' face...and as a fringe benefit, a candle can't give you herpes. Well, except for that candle I got from my prison pen pal...how the hell it happened, only Roy knows....

Here we go again: Britney Spears' NEW sex tape

This "surprise" ranks right up there with the time I went to Burger King every day for 4 weeks and got really, really fat....Britney has another dirty tape on the market.

It seems there is a bidding war on (currently around $150,000) for a security tape showing Britney changing into a bikini and fishnets with two equally chubby dancers at New York's One nightclub last month. Both dancers were fired after the video of them doing some serious partying (aka lesbian lovefest) with Britney was discovered.

This tape will seal the deal. She's losing her kids, and money, to K-Fed. If only she was still hot I'd swoop in to save her. But those days are gone my friends, and I only use my super-powers for the sexy - not the bald and chubby. Pity.

J-Lo's marriage on the rocks

Looks like Latinos and skeletons just don't mix afterall. According to reports, it seems that Marc Anthony and Jennifer Lopez have been playing it up in real life only to have a crap load of issues privately (um - isn't that considered a 'normal marriage'?) leading them to an eventual divorce.

The biggest issues revolve around children and Scientology. J-Lo doesn't want any kids just yet and Skeletor is really into the bat-shiat crazy cult. A source has gone on to say:

"There was a fight after she performed at the Super Bowl, and when she had an album listening party in Miami two months ago, there was an issue." Lopez stood up and talked about her upcoming album and said, "This is my dream and Marc and I worked so hard on this album ... Marc, would you like to say something?"- which Anthony coldly said, "No," and looked away

Zing! Good one Marc - nothing pisses your wife off more then you being a cold, cold bitch. And speaking of cold, judging by the way Marc has looked lately I'd assume his internal temperature is probably around minus 70 or something, he looks like the walking dead. I should know, I'm a meteorologist.

Jessica Biel's ass tribute

I'm not a crier...I rarely tear up, unless of course you kick me in the balls or tell me that Jesus' super-powers don't include those of The Human Torch and Mr.Fantastic combined. However, when it was made known that there was a tribute a great actress' great asset I lost it.

Check it HERE my friends, but please be warned - this will make you cry tears of joy more so then a bottle of Jack Daniel's and a lonely valentine's. Enjoy.

Salma Hayek is pregnant

Star Magazine is reporting that Chubs Hayek is now pregnant! She and her fiance, businessman Francois-Henri Pinault, are expecting their first child.

Judging by her size she seems to be pregnant with a whale or at least twelve regular sized babies. I'm going to have to get a look at this 'Francois' guy I bet he's got a hook for a hand and says 'YARRRRRRRR!!!' a lot and impregnates women with his whale-sperm. It's the only medical explanation, and I know a lot about medicine because I'm a doctor, specializing in whale-babies and toilet training.

The faux celebs unite!

Haylie Duff and Kristin Cavallari were seen chilling together in South Beach this past Wednesday probably talking about their famous siblings/boyfriends/sextapes. I really have no clue why either of these girls are famous, they belong in the bargain-bin of celebrities along with Kirk Cameron, Danny Glover, a shaved monkey and that guy that used to hang out with Jesus. Happy Friday.

A very sad Lily-Rose Depp update

In Touch Magazine has reported that a 'rusty tack is responsible for the serious illness that could be threatening the life of Johnny Depp's 7 year old daughter, Lily-Rose'. Apparently Lily had scratched herself on the nail at the Depp family farmhouse in France and the wound was left untreated.

She has been in London's Great Ormond Street Hospital for Children since February 28 and despite a statement from Depp's publicist saying things are going well, sources say they are not. Johnny's rep said:

"We are happy to report that their daughter is doing much better. The family greatly appreciates the continued support and respect of their privacy."

However there are sources in the hospital that have said that one of Lily's kidneys is affected and so far she is not responding to treatment. They said:

"Blood poisoning developed. It has now spread through her body and has affected her vital organs."

Alright, from all my years of watching ER I'm assuming as long as you give your kids a tetanus shot every few years this shouldn't happen, right? And, please be assured that if all else fails, I'm sure Tom 'Jesus' Cruise can heal her, right?

Jesus Cruise's healing power aside, judging by the privacy the Depp family prides themselves on, I'm assuming the first quote was to simple distract media attention so that they can work through this difficult time on their own. I hope all works well.

Lily-Rose (Johnny Depp's daughter) udpate

Lily, it seems, is in extremely poor condition, a hospital source has said:

'The staff immediately recognised him when he walked through the door. He has not asked for any special favours but just wants the best for his child, like any parent. It is such a difficult time for him but he is hanging in there for the sake of his daughter and the whole family is just praying that she gets better. They are taking each day as it comes. It's been an emotional rollercoaster for all of them and he's been worrying himself silly. He wouldn't wish this on anyone and has been finding it hard keeping it together. He's a devoted dad and is spending as much time as he can with Lily.'

Johnny Depp's daughter in critical condition

For once here's a story regarding a celeb I refuse to make fun of. Johnny Depp seems like a good person, great family man and an amazing actor - and to hear that his daughter Lily-Rose (I believe she's 6-8 years old) has fallen extremely ill is a tragic. A hospital source told the Daily Mirror UK:

"Lily's a very sick girl, and Johnny has hardly left her side. It's heartbreaking for him to see her in this state. She's (doing) very poorly."

We all hope things work out in the end for his family.

Lindsay Lohan: hard worker

Fresh off her stint in rehab Lindsay Lohan returned to filming I Know Who Killed Me, but sources on the set says she's still as irresponsible as ever.

Insiders report that last month she kept crew members waiting for five hours because she wouldn't come out of her trailer. When she eventually did come out, she reportedly threw up and then went home.

I don't want to jump to any conclusion here and say 'she's not a hard worker'. Being a bulimic is hard, hard work in itself. I usually need a good 5 hour nap before throwing up as well, just like that fat chick Natalie from Facts of Life. Her problem was that she didn't throw up enough...which is why she was still fat. But I never call her 'fat' to her face, because that would disqualify my chance to repeat my Mr.Sensitivity title in 2007. BADOW!

Fergie's in a bikini

Just when I'm convinced she's a tranny I see pictures like these. Is it wrong that I'm finding these hot? Is it wrong that I like watching Gilmore Girls? Will the police ever realize that I'm the true kidnapper of the Lindberg baby and I sperminated Anna Nicole (pre or post-mortem)? Wait and see my friends....wait and see.....

More pics of that sexy dude Fergie HERE, HERE, HERE annnnnd Here.

Jesus Cruise is insane

Stepford Housewife, Katie Holmes is about to start filming her newest cinematic crap-tacular "Mad Money" in a few weeks. And it seems that they got Katie in a two-for-one deal, as Tom Cruise wants to be there so he can provide "acting guidance" to his wife:

A rep for Cruise and Holmes wasn't available for comment. The insider added, "Katie's agent, Hylda Queally, chose this role for her because it is a female buddy movie. There is no love interest and she wouldn't be kissing anyone or have a sex scene." Holmes gave up her role in the upcoming "Batman" sequel, and some in Hollywood said it was because of the romantic scenes she would have had with Christian Bale. Cruise was said to be upset over her sex scene in last year's "Thank You for Smoking" - which was mysteriously missing during several festival screenings.

According to the 'insider' that was the determining selection factor between Mad Money and Batman, the fact that it had no love scenes. Finally I agree with Tom, when I'm married I'm going to keep my wife chained in the basement just to make sure no guy ever even looks at her. You know, to compensate for my hidden homosexuality, extremely minuscule manhood and total lack of sucess in breaking into the consumer time machine market.

Katie Holmes draws good

Katie Holmes (aka wife of Jesus Cruise) was seen in Los Angeles the other day with some dress sketches en route to a meeting with a big-deal designer. I for one, have no idea why famous people think they can sing, draw or become politicians just because they made a few movies.

Let's be honest here, it looks like she drew that sketch with her mouth. Katie Holmes designing clothes is like Stephen Hawkins entering a slam dunk competition...you just don't bother even trying (unless it's the Disney Movie of the week - then Stephen would miraculously climb out of his chair, do a 360 dunk over Shaq's head and yell 'That's what I call a REAL Big Bang, BITCH!' end scene. Rated PG-13 for language)

Sharon Stone: back from the dead

Looks like Basic Instinct III is going to be a zombie movie. I wonder what she's yelling at the photographer? 'Braaaaaaaainnnnsssss.....braaaaaaainnnsss...need to eat braaaaaains'

Just cut off her head and run, man...JUST RUN!

Salma Hayek is packing on the pounds

Have you seen Salma lately? How can you miss her? If you have, I wouldn't blame you for covering your bleeding eyes and running far far away crying like a 8 year old girl - because that's exactly how I felt when I saw these recent pics.

I tell you, she should be crowned the 'official stomach of Mexico', there is no way someone can pack on this much weight in such little time. Unless of course you're pregnant or your name ends with 'The Hutt'.

More of Fatty Hayek HERE and HERE.