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Angelina + Brad = Herpes


Just when it can't get any juicier...rumour has it that Angelina's c-section was carried out due to her burning case of herpes and concern of it being transmitted to the baby. HERPES? Yes herpes. Just when i thought I had nothing in common with the most beautiful couple in the world i hear this!! I wonder if it's the same strain as me? That would be cool.

When it comes to STDs I prefer the classier variety such as syphilis - THAT is the virus of Dukes and Earls, it was prevalent in royal circles throughout history and if it's good enough for them, it's good enough for me. However, now it seems our modern day royalty seem to be lagging when it comes to the "trendy" viruses - they should get a virus consultant to work along side their personal shopper to tell them these things.

So why on earth is Angelina slumming and contracting herpes? I have the answer in 3 words: Billy Bob Thornton.

Please read more about this very very very true rumour - just don't read it too closely, you might get a cold sore:

http://www.laineygossip.com/ArticleList.aspx?ID=3927

mariah carey's legs are worth more then Ireland's GDP....

Remember when the King of Jordan died and Mariah Carey in her infinite wisdom came to a press conference that very day crying and said 'I'd like to pay tribute to the King, Michael Jordan, who died today'.......now I don't know if the King of Jordan could dunk - but in his final days i hear he would dribble...

Well Mariah is not much smarter - she is now fronting a new Gillette woman's razor and has since insured her legs for $1 billion dollars....seriously....first of all, if I die i think my mom gets a few subway tokens (damn company life insurance) - but to insure those legs for so much? Look at her!! If she was swimming in the ocean she'd be harpooned by Captain Ahab....at least find someone with nice legs....like maybe Webster...HE had better legs....or Corky from life goes on...

Read more about Mariah's tree trunks:

http://www.allheadlinenews.com/articles/7003755293

oprah, nobel peace price......nobel peace prize, oprah....



It looks like telling all the women in the world what to buy and read isn't enough....now Oprah has set up a site attempting to get herself nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize. Now I ask you, what the heck for? Losing and gaining enough fat to feed thousands of staving children for months? Beating Stedman on a regular basis? And while we're on the topic - have you seen her lately - has she EATEN Stedman?

I mean, in all honesty i'd love to see Oprah win the Nobel Peace Prize.....that is if you replace 'Oprah' with 'Killer Robots' and 'Nobel Peace Prize' with 'Beat the crap out of that annoying guy that sits across from me at work'

Please visit the site and leave a comment like: 'Screw you Winfrey!!! When will you EVER recommend a Choose you Own Adventure in your book club???'

http://oprah4peaceprize.org/

Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad is a hoot!

Wow!

Mah-man Mahmoud! You are one fun interview! I mean - nuclear war against the zionist state, denying the holocaust and world cup soccer...sounds like family christmas table talk to me! In between mom showing up high as a kite, the turkey loaf in a can and uncle Ahmadinejad and his crazy talk - i've been in therapy ever since....

If anyone needs a reality show is this guy...'today mahmoud will teach us some quick cooking tips for easy entertaining, promote genocide and show us how a beautiful array of flowers can say 'thanks for the weekend at the cottage''

Read this interview and you'll see why the UN is finally considering doing the right thing:

http://service.spiegel.de/cache/international/0,1518,418660,00.html

photo stills from the new production of nightmare before christmas II......


.......oh wait.....that's just Nicole Richie in a bikini! Seriously, if He-man every became a stage production she'd be a shoo-in for Skeletor....does anyone really find this attractive?

Just put a few bugs buzzing around her and she could be on those 'save the starving children' ads i watch Sunday mornings as I help myself to an extra helping of bacon.

Send me $9.99 a month and I'll feed Nicole Richie...you'll even have a cute picture of her for your fridge and she'll write you letters and draw you pictures each month....(trust me - a little bit of heroin...errrr....i mean food would make her do just about anything....)

See pictures of the walking dead here....my death count for her is 16 months.....

http://www.thesuperficial.com/2006/05/30/nicole_richie_hits_the_beach_1.html

chicks dig major histocompatibility complex

A new study was just released that reveals the following.....people are attracted to hot, rich and smart members of the opposite sex.....wow! With uber-scientists blowing us away with such breakthroughs how CAN'T we cure cancer??! I could have wrote that study and it would have gone something like this:

george clooney looks + money + lack of clinical retardedness = mad boo-tay!!

read the study here, it's a tad dry - so i'd recommend a good moisturizer....

http://www.timesonline.co.uk/newspaper/0,,176-2190254,00.html

3 arms are better then 2

Ok - if I was a newpaper editor and there was a baby born with three working arms I think I'd have far more creative headlines then what I've seen today.......maybe like 'Future Rock-Paper-Scissors Champ Born in China!' or 'Gimme a High-Fifteen!!'....

I hope they don't cut the third arm off - he could be a super-villain called 'Tripod - the slap-happy bank robber!' not to mention he'd be unbeatable when it would come to how many fingers he's holding behind his back.....

To read more about Jie-Jie (yeah - that's his name, his ass will be kicked for eternity...good thing he doesn't have 3 asses...) click below:

http://www.local6.com/news/9290536/detail.html

jesus does japan?

Finally Japan can answer the eternal question: What Would Godzilla Do? It seems at some point Jesus moved to Japan and worked in the rice fields until his death at the age of 106. They also claim that Jesus' brother was cool with dying on the cross in his place......are you serious?? I mean I can see if Jesus asked his brother to get him another beer out of the fridge....but 'hey bro - wanna get crucified in my place?'

To quote another famous brother 'what you talkin' about Willis?' Read what the bbc has to say about this below....if this is true i'm going to have to buy a new Japanese version of my dashboard Jesus.....like maybe a ninja....

http://www.timesonline.co.uk/article/0,,25689-2201183,00.html

the big smoke...literally

The Argos just signed Ricky Williams to a one year deal....has there ever been a bigger player signed to this franchise? I don't think so - unless of course they now sign Harold and Kumar....while they're at - why not just make Doritos the team sponsor...

My theory is playing for the Argos works towards his community service...that or.....wait.....what was i saying again? Where are my pork rinds.....mmmmmm......

Story source:

http://www.cbc.ca/story/sports/national/2006/05/28/argos-ricky-williams.html

impending U.S police state, oink! oink!

Americans are crazy - when i first saw this headline I was assuming it was a preview for the latest Police Academy movie....Police Academy 7: Mission to Moscow...oh wait, that was already done...well maybe that big black dude can just make sound effects when the legislators are passing laws to restricts american's freedoms.....wooooo.....purrrsssshhh....whopwhopwhop.....

Here's a link to the 10 top signs that the U.S. government is getting wackier and wackier about watching you....

http://www.alternet.org/story/36553

pink is the new taco

who on earth would name their eatery 'the pink taco' - that's like me opening a bar called the 'whale's vagina' or 'the stinky cornhole'...come to think of it, that could work...now all i have to do is quit my job at turdy mcturd bum's.....

see the full story here:

http://my.earthlink.net/article/str?guid=20060515/4467fcc0_3ca6_15526200605151770538141

real life fight club?

In Menlo Park California a bunch of Silicon Valley techies got together to form they own fight club. Sounds cool, right? I don't know - when I think of a bunch of tech nerds in a room 'fighting' I'm thinking a set of dice, trolls, goblins and 30 points for every hit with their staff....

That's right - I bet a chillion dollars it was a D&D fight club...stay tuned.....I can prove this...

al gore is a cross-dresser

Is that what he means by 'An Inconvenient Truth'? If so, move over Weekend At Bernie's II!! I have a new favourite movie!

Watch the trailer, yo! This man deserves respect....i mean he invented the internet, just ask any of his 300 daughters....

http://www.apple.com/trailers/paramount_classics/aninconvenienttruth/