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2006 MTV Movie Awards Recap: Jessica Alba Needs our Help!

I'll be honest; I was bed sick last night and missed the entire broadcast. However, based on hearsay, rumours, eavesdropping, make-upery and water cooler talk at the office I feel as though I now have the journalistic integrity to write a recap for something I did not even see (it’s not like half the stars there will remember it either..)

To recap, the big winner at the awards was Wedding Crashers. The biggest loser? Jessica Alba for saying the following:

"It was a lot of work" making the mini-movies, she said. "At the end of the day, I needed a bath and a cry."

Wow. Jessica Alba. Kudos. Hosting the MTV awards mine as well be curing cancer and eliminating third world debt. Please, you deserve a bath and good cry; look at all you’ve been through! Glamorous dresses, parties, Crystal. Screw Oprah – it’s YOU who should be winning the Nobel Peace Prize. Where can I make a charitable donation to Jessica to aid in her recovery? I say we all band together and beat up the homeless who have the nerve to ask for money when there are people like Jessica Alba out there. They don’t know suffering like Jessica does.

Do I ever go too far? Not far enough if you ask me.

Here is a list of all the winners last night: