...OF PRISON (hold for laughter)
Paris Hilton has been released from jail after having served a whole 72 hours of jail time. She is now under house arrest, and shall remain so for the rest of her 45 day term. Poor kid.
She was released (very) early from prison due to medical reasons. She is apparently plagued by high price lawyers, and suffers from an aversion to justice. Pundits who originally complained that Hilton was being treated harshly due to her celebrity status were unable to comment on this unexpected turn of events, as they were busy shoving their feet in their mouths.
No word yet on who authorized Hilton's release, the amount they were paid, or how they're able to live with what they've done.
'I hope that I'm an example to other young people. I did have a choice to go to a pay jail. But I declined because I feel like the media portrays me in a way that I'm not and that's why I wanted to go to county, to show that I can do it and I'm going to be treated like everyone else. I'm going to do the time, I'm going to do it the right way.'
Wow. In a related story, a candle light vigil is being held outside Hilton's mansion, were dozens of fans maintain watch, praying constantly that Paris will somehow survive the next 40 days and nights, trapped inside her spacious LA home.