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See Paris' New Music Video 'Stars are Blind' (and apparently also retarded)

Want to see Paris Hilton's new music video 'Stars are Blind'? Neither did I – but I watched it. First impression: the stars aren't the only ones who are blind, so is this video director.

Save yourself the effort and let me just paint a picture for you: take every cliche you know from music videos and roll it up into a fantastical piece of crap. The only thing it's missing is a dance-off between rival gangs. It's so over the top and overdone I had to pinch myself to make sure I wasn't dreaming, and then I asked the guy at the desk beside me to pinch me and tell me I'm dirty like Paris. Then he left.

It opens with a tidal wave/beach scene reminiscent of Wicked Game by Chris Isaac - except the whole time I'm watching it I want to yell out 'Paris Hilton is swimming!! Get out of the water people!! HEEERPIES!!' Yeah, I know, I'd be a terrible life guard. Or life coach for that matter. Or a soccer coach, I just don't have the legs for those shorts.

Watch the video here: