POP CULTURE PUNDIT - The Latest Gossip and News About Your Favorite Celebs

- Insert Obvious Brokeback Mountain Joke Here -

Jake Gyllenhaal is straight? Since when? According to Star Magazine he was seen going on a date with Natalie Portman on May 22 in NYC. Natalie Portman is a pretty good score for a guy whose most recent role was the bearded man in 'The Beard Grower's Club' or was it 'The Santa Clause 4: That Ain't a Lap - But Don't Stop Sittin! '? Man, I got to stop going to the movies wasted...

But I have to admit, hearing this news hurt me, it hurt me bad...Yes I'm talking to YOU Mr.Gyllenhaal! So all those sweet nothings you whispered in my ear on our fishing trip now means NOTHING to you? I even lied to you and told you i loved the beard!! Well I always got Kevin Costner, he made 'Dances with Men' right? What? Wolves? Where's my beer?

Please see the source of my pain here: