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33 Million ways to Love Tomkat

Would you marry Tom Cruise for $33 million dollars? Heck ya, I'd marry a goat for $5! I'd make out with a lamp for a drink I'd have sexual relations with a ball of Playdough for a bite of your sandwich...but my drinking problem aside; it seems Katie Holmes has sold her soul by accepting a crap-load of cash to marry Tom. But here’s the funny thing, it’s structured similar to an incentive contract normally given to pro athletes. The longer she stays with him, the more money she gets, $3 million a year up to $33 million.

Let’s analyze this: she can't divorce him now because she wants to maximize her gains - and if she tries to leave him before 11 years are up and she maxes out at $33 million she'll have no chance in a custody battle because she would just not be able to compete with his bankroll.

Oh Tom, you crazy gay scientologist...you can't buy your wife and hide your secrets with money and lawsuits. My thoughts: you are what you are, not what you pay people to believe. Now where is that sandwich?

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